Need to watch Housewives?  Definitely go with the ones above over their brutal NY counterparts.

Last week Bravo treated us to the 1st installment of the Real Housewives of NYC Reunion Special and then, to Andy Cohen’s and Neil Patrick Harris’s commentary right after regarding the reunion just aired.  If you checked your tivo and have yet to watch this special, or the 2nd installment which aired this Monday, you might be wondering why the shows are 1 and a half hours in length, longer than many films.  So why was that?

We think because Bravo had too many fights, below board remarks, and general vitriol to discriminate by making cuts.  In the commercial for the affair you can see moderator Andy Cohen clearly losing his cool and telling the panel of hypocrites whom we are thoroughly embarrassed about having their names and actions affiliated with New York, as New Yorkers ourselves, to “Shut the fuck up!”  When discussing the incident with Neil Patrick Harris, and a littany of other tasteless morsels shot out of these rude women’s cannon like firecracker mouths, Neil Patrick Harris suggested that the entire cast be scrapped.  He essentially asked Andy Cohen to go out and find some women who represent New York better, and who can stand to be in a room together without every conversation evolving into a screaming match, and usually in short order.

We like that suggestion.  We like it a lot.  Is there a real upside to making stars out of people like Jill Zarin, The Countess, Romona Singer, and Kelly Bensimon, for stabbing each other in the back?  Let’s start with Jill, who now starts each show with the statement that she owns who she is, and that she has learned and changed, and then who starts the reunion show by saying one of the meanest and most unsubstantiated things ever: that Romona’s husband Mario has been said to be cheating by people in their social circle.  When Romona unleashed the dogs with tenfold rude comments of her own about Jill and Luann, Jill’s caddy and disgusting little lackey, Jill stuck to her guns, saying that she didn’t know that Mario was cheating, that she had no proof, but that it was something that people were saying.  Why say something like that except to be deliberatley hurtful?

Romona then not only hit below the belt, but she took Jill’s belt completely off, comparing her husband to Jill’s, calling Bobby, essentially a disgusting person.  Now at least the Mario affair talk came up within the context of the show, albeit when a Morroccan psychic had a vision, but since she was standing around Kelly, Sonja, and Luann, whose husbands all cheated on them, she could have had her signals crossed, or more likely, was just making vague references in the manner of a charletan.  From what we can see, Bobby is actually the most classy and likeable member of the show, and always takes the high road, but Romona obviously doesn’t care about airing her “friend’s” private dirty laundy, or suggesting that such dirty laundry exists.

Still, the affair was all that Jill needed in order to continually bludgeon Romona with, holding it over her head like a child.  Jill’s lapdog Luann had also used this bludgeon in the context of the show, notably, when Romona told Luann she couldn’t be in her music video because it sent, pretty much, a whorish message to her daughter and to the world, leaving Luann reeling for the second time by Romona this season, who has been bludgeoning Luann basically since episode one with the comment that she is only a “weekend mother” because Luann leaves her kids in the Hamptons all week while she galavants with Jacques during the week in the city.  Romona’s digs are constant.  Her daughter turned out great because Romona spends time with her.  Luann?  Not so much. 

Romona explained herself on Watch What Happens Live this past Monday after part 2 of the reunion.  She was actually kind of eloquent in explaining that Jill and Luann have formed a two headed monster of mean, backing each other blindly in order to hammer her family and character, and in that case, she wasn’t going to hold back when it comes to what she can and will say about them.  When confronted with the criticisms, well earned, in regard to her pursuit of, endless need for, and consumption of “Pina Grigiot” (forget Italian towns, can she at least say the name of the fucking type of wine correctly?), Romona had some more real zingers.

Here Romona’s insults to the evil triumvirate of Kelly, Jill, and Luann are more subtle, more biting, and well, Re-meaner.  Romona loves to point out that despite her drinking, even at 11AM on certain occasions, as Jill was quick to point out, she runs 4 or 5 successful businesses.  Get it?  I am a success on my own, and not because I divorced well, or have a rich husband.  It’s the truth and the truth stings.  Because Andy was sure to revisit the whole Bettheny drama in regard to Kelly, because mostly, Kelly suggested she was above Bettheny, but yet, Bettheny has her own show, and better yet for her, made a multi-million dollar deal to sell her Skinny Girl Margarita label.  Kelly pretended to not be jealous of Bettheny, calling her smart for branding the word “skinny.”  Actually, there’s a lot more to it than that.  She brought a low calorie premade and bottled Margarita to market, has become a best selling author and motivational speaker, an even bigger star with her own show that they’d all die for (remember Jill’s shameless pandering for her own show called “Jill Gets A Hobby”?), and sold her beverage label for a reported 20M and continued profit sharing.  All while Kelly has proven week in and out to be one of the most vapid and hated TV personalities alive, who many people think is balls deep in some sort of substance problem, and who leads the internet almost daily and certainly around every show with the following google query: “I hate Kelly Bensimon.”

Good for Sonja, who completely blasted Kelly for talking about her in reunion episode 1.  Sonja pointedly ripped Kelly for waxing on to the camera about the state of disrepair her house was in and that she was purporting to be this grand “Lady Sonja Morgan”, that she was just another divorcee living beyond her means.  Especially ironic when considering the hypocrisy therein since Kelly has now become entrenched as Luann’s nasty little lapdog.  Sonja confronted Kelly who tried to deny it all, but then Sonja explained why the comments were inappropriate, and how she was “counting my money” and even all of the bitches in Jill’s gang had to back off Kelly and support Sonja.  They had to explain to a very dumb Kelly that she had whatever fortune she had because she married money and that her ex bought her pad and her Hamptons house.

To Romona’s credit, she seized on the opportunity presented by Bettheny’s mention to hammer Jill over her own hypocrisy with regard to the fact that she is exactly the same mean, nasty bitch she has always been.  Jill looked shaken, and then flipped, blaming Romona for the fact that Bettheny and Jill never made up.  Romona rightly pointed out that it was she who kept trying to get Jill and Bettheny in the same room, but that it was Luann, jealous of someone getting close to Jill, who moved quickly to extricate Jill from those rooms.  As for the alcohol talk, Romona went for Jill’s jugular, accusing her of being an alcoholic in recovery on national TV.  As for the family talk, it was Romona who kept hammering Luann until The Countess broke down–must see television indeed to see the cold Countess, who loves to snipe at people with caddy insults and then brush it off like it’s all good fun–bite back tears while babbling about how hard it is to be a divorced, single mother.  To which Romona again pointed out, “a weekend mother.” 

Jill went nuts when Romona brought Luann to the brink, calling her disgusting for saying that Jill’s stepdaughter had a “deformity”, and saying that it is Romona’s daughter who always complains about being left alone and eating dinner by herself.  Romona casually explained that Jill’s daughter is deformed by the dictionary standard, but that she was sorry and had mispoke. 

A WWHL poll from last Monday revealed, as could be expected, that almost zero people in the audience like Luann (9%), Kelly (8%), and Cindy (8%), who by the way is also a real cunt, if you ask us.  Romona and Alex then came in at 15%, then Jill at 19% (wouldn’t be surprised if she paid good money to manipulate the vote because honestly, who on earth really likes her?), and Sonja in the lead with a 25% approval figure.

As we were watching the season and the reunion marathons, we gravitated toward Sonja, the lesser of many, many evil bitches.  Obviously, the only truly likeable one was Bettheny, who wisely has run for the hills.  And her show, Bettheny Ever After, just about matches RHNYC in the ratings.  Why?  Because it’s a better, more dynamic, and funnier show about one person who is a better person than all the New York housewives combined.  RHNJ is killing RHNYC in the ratings because all the characters are deeper and more likeable, and their family connections make for real drama, and not the caddy bullshit we get when a bunch of untoward socialites are forced to go to a few pretentious charity events and meaningless, devoid makeup and fashion shows.

Neil Patrick Harris?  He’s a pretty smart guy.  We’re with him.  How low can this show go and do we really care to see it?  Scrap these “ladies”, Andy Cohen, and alter the awful perception of New York they have created.

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Crack (http://crackbillionair.wordpress.com, www.crackbillionair.com)