Countess Luann


Need to watch Housewives?  Definitely go with the ones above over their brutal NY counterparts.

Last week Bravo treated us to the 1st installment of the Real Housewives of NYC Reunion Special and then, to Andy Cohen’s and Neil Patrick Harris’s commentary right after regarding the reunion just aired.  If you checked your tivo and have yet to watch this special, or the 2nd installment which aired this Monday, you might be wondering why the shows are 1 and a half hours in length, longer than many films.  So why was that?

We think because Bravo had too many fights, below board remarks, and general vitriol to discriminate by making cuts.  In the commercial for the affair you can see moderator Andy Cohen clearly losing his cool and telling the panel of hypocrites whom we are thoroughly embarrassed about having their names and actions affiliated with New York, as New Yorkers ourselves, to “Shut the fuck up!”  When discussing the incident with Neil Patrick Harris, and a littany of other tasteless morsels shot out of these rude women’s cannon like firecracker mouths, Neil Patrick Harris suggested that the entire cast be scrapped.  He essentially asked Andy Cohen to go out and find some women who represent New York better, and who can stand to be in a room together without every conversation evolving into a screaming match, and usually in short order.

We like that suggestion.  We like it a lot.  Is there a real upside to making stars out of people like Jill Zarin, The Countess, Romona Singer, and Kelly Bensimon, for stabbing each other in the back?  Let’s start with Jill, who now starts each show with the statement that she owns who she is, and that she has learned and changed, and then who starts the reunion show by saying one of the meanest and most unsubstantiated things ever: that Romona’s husband Mario has been said to be cheating by people in their social circle.  When Romona unleashed the dogs with tenfold rude comments of her own about Jill and Luann, Jill’s caddy and disgusting little lackey, Jill stuck to her guns, saying that she didn’t know that Mario was cheating, that she had no proof, but that it was something that people were saying.  Why say something like that except to be deliberatley hurtful?

Romona then not only hit below the belt, but she took Jill’s belt completely off, comparing her husband to Jill’s, calling Bobby, essentially a disgusting person.  Now at least the Mario affair talk came up within the context of the show, albeit when a Morroccan psychic had a vision, but since she was standing around Kelly, Sonja, and Luann, whose husbands all cheated on them, she could have had her signals crossed, or more likely, was just making vague references in the manner of a charletan.  From what we can see, Bobby is actually the most classy and likeable member of the show, and always takes the high road, but Romona obviously doesn’t care about airing her “friend’s” private dirty laundy, or suggesting that such dirty laundry exists.

Still, the affair was all that Jill needed in order to continually bludgeon Romona with, holding it over her head like a child.  Jill’s lapdog Luann had also used this bludgeon in the context of the show, notably, when Romona told Luann she couldn’t be in her music video because it sent, pretty much, a whorish message to her daughter and to the world, leaving Luann reeling for the second time by Romona this season, who has been bludgeoning Luann basically since episode one with the comment that she is only a “weekend mother” because Luann leaves her kids in the Hamptons all week while she galavants with Jacques during the week in the city.  Romona’s digs are constant.  Her daughter turned out great because Romona spends time with her.  Luann?  Not so much. 

Romona explained herself on Watch What Happens Live this past Monday after part 2 of the reunion.  She was actually kind of eloquent in explaining that Jill and Luann have formed a two headed monster of mean, backing each other blindly in order to hammer her family and character, and in that case, she wasn’t going to hold back when it comes to what she can and will say about them.  When confronted with the criticisms, well earned, in regard to her pursuit of, endless need for, and consumption of “Pina Grigiot” (forget Italian towns, can she at least say the name of the fucking type of wine correctly?), Romona had some more real zingers.

Here Romona’s insults to the evil triumvirate of Kelly, Jill, and Luann are more subtle, more biting, and well, Re-meaner.  Romona loves to point out that despite her drinking, even at 11AM on certain occasions, as Jill was quick to point out, she runs 4 or 5 successful businesses.  Get it?  I am a success on my own, and not because I divorced well, or have a rich husband.  It’s the truth and the truth stings.  Because Andy was sure to revisit the whole Bettheny drama in regard to Kelly, because mostly, Kelly suggested she was above Bettheny, but yet, Bettheny has her own show, and better yet for her, made a multi-million dollar deal to sell her Skinny Girl Margarita label.  Kelly pretended to not be jealous of Bettheny, calling her smart for branding the word “skinny.”  Actually, there’s a lot more to it than that.  She brought a low calorie premade and bottled Margarita to market, has become a best selling author and motivational speaker, an even bigger star with her own show that they’d all die for (remember Jill’s shameless pandering for her own show called “Jill Gets A Hobby”?), and sold her beverage label for a reported 20M and continued profit sharing.  All while Kelly has proven week in and out to be one of the most vapid and hated TV personalities alive, who many people think is balls deep in some sort of substance problem, and who leads the internet almost daily and certainly around every show with the following google query: “I hate Kelly Bensimon.”

Good for Sonja, who completely blasted Kelly for talking about her in reunion episode 1.  Sonja pointedly ripped Kelly for waxing on to the camera about the state of disrepair her house was in and that she was purporting to be this grand “Lady Sonja Morgan”, that she was just another divorcee living beyond her means.  Especially ironic when considering the hypocrisy therein since Kelly has now become entrenched as Luann’s nasty little lapdog.  Sonja confronted Kelly who tried to deny it all, but then Sonja explained why the comments were inappropriate, and how she was “counting my money” and even all of the bitches in Jill’s gang had to back off Kelly and support Sonja.  They had to explain to a very dumb Kelly that she had whatever fortune she had because she married money and that her ex bought her pad and her Hamptons house.

To Romona’s credit, she seized on the opportunity presented by Bettheny’s mention to hammer Jill over her own hypocrisy with regard to the fact that she is exactly the same mean, nasty bitch she has always been.  Jill looked shaken, and then flipped, blaming Romona for the fact that Bettheny and Jill never made up.  Romona rightly pointed out that it was she who kept trying to get Jill and Bettheny in the same room, but that it was Luann, jealous of someone getting close to Jill, who moved quickly to extricate Jill from those rooms.  As for the alcohol talk, Romona went for Jill’s jugular, accusing her of being an alcoholic in recovery on national TV.  As for the family talk, it was Romona who kept hammering Luann until The Countess broke down–must see television indeed to see the cold Countess, who loves to snipe at people with caddy insults and then brush it off like it’s all good fun–bite back tears while babbling about how hard it is to be a divorced, single mother.  To which Romona again pointed out, “a weekend mother.” 

Jill went nuts when Romona brought Luann to the brink, calling her disgusting for saying that Jill’s stepdaughter had a “deformity”, and saying that it is Romona’s daughter who always complains about being left alone and eating dinner by herself.  Romona casually explained that Jill’s daughter is deformed by the dictionary standard, but that she was sorry and had mispoke. 

A WWHL poll from last Monday revealed, as could be expected, that almost zero people in the audience like Luann (9%), Kelly (8%), and Cindy (8%), who by the way is also a real cunt, if you ask us.  Romona and Alex then came in at 15%, then Jill at 19% (wouldn’t be surprised if she paid good money to manipulate the vote because honestly, who on earth really likes her?), and Sonja in the lead with a 25% approval figure.

As we were watching the season and the reunion marathons, we gravitated toward Sonja, the lesser of many, many evil bitches.  Obviously, the only truly likeable one was Bettheny, who wisely has run for the hills.  And her show, Bettheny Ever After, just about matches RHNYC in the ratings.  Why?  Because it’s a better, more dynamic, and funnier show about one person who is a better person than all the New York housewives combined.  RHNJ is killing RHNYC in the ratings because all the characters are deeper and more likeable, and their family connections make for real drama, and not the caddy bullshit we get when a bunch of untoward socialites are forced to go to a few pretentious charity events and meaningless, devoid makeup and fashion shows.

Neil Patrick Harris?  He’s a pretty smart guy.  We’re with him.  How low can this show go and do we really care to see it?  Scrap these “ladies”, Andy Cohen, and alter the awful perception of New York they have created.

http://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/09/05/rhonj-teresa-and-joe-lied-about-assets-to-bankruptcy-court/

http://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/09/04/real-housewives-of-nj-danielle-fired-replaced-by-teresas-sister-in-law-joe-giudice-cheating/

http://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/05/28/real-mob-wives-of-new-jersey/

http://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/06/16/real-housewives-of-nj-dina-drops-danielle-drama-exits-cast/
http://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/07/07/real-housewives-of-njs-dina-danielle-interfered-with-my-daughters-custody/

http://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/06/08/real-housewives-of-nj-danielles-latest-sex-tape-soon-to-be-released/

http://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/07/22/real-housewives-of-nj-another-danielle-police-report/

http://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/06/04/mob-housewives-of-nj-v-for-vendetta/

http://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/07/21/real-housewives-of-nj-danielle-sued-by-ex-over-sex-tape/

http://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/07/10/in-touch-on-real-housewives-of-nycs-kelly-she-spikes-her-morning-coffee-with-patron/

http://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/04/30/real-housewives-getting-ugly-literally-and-figuratively/

http://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/06/04/rhnyc-sonja-morgan-mugshot-see-it/

http://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/06/03/rhnycs-kelly-systematic-bullying-is-never-okay-see-video/

http://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/05/26/rhnycs-kelly-nervous-breakthrough-not-nervous-breakdown/

http://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/05/22/rhnyc-kelly-flips-out-video-clip-bikini-shot/

http://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/05/15/rhnyc-kelly-says-amazing-a-lot-video/

http://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/05/15/real-housewives-nyc-countess-luann-sings-badly-video/

http://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/05/10/real-housewives-of-nyc-jill-wrong-again/

Crack (http://crackbillionair.wordpress.com, www.crackbillionair.com)

Drita D’Avanzo, star of Real Mobwives (above).

Let’s get right to the real and the housewife stuff from the Bravo Series, most of them aren’t housewives, and most of it is unreal.  It’s entertaining in a grotesque way, sure, and it’s been holding our interest between New York, New Jersey, and Beverly Hills since the start of New York, which may even be way too long.  So we had no expectations about Real Mobwives, or even that we’d be able to watch.  It was foolish of us.  We live in these neighborhoods where the Mob Wives have their drinks, their fancy parties and the gyms where they work out, and the street signs they flash are sometimes our own.

We’ve come from the neighborhoods where these mob husbands have committed their crimes, and we know people who know the victims, of say, the Sammy Gravano serial killing rampage.  It’s one of the reasons why, whether we are pre-prejudiced to her already, but we really, really do not like Karen Gravano.  Her father was a mass murderer and a rat, making him essentially one of the most dangerous and selfish criminals of all time.  She is part of that family–from that family.  Karen’s done nothing to win her any fans since strolling her plus size ass into the bar at Da’ Noi and revealing to all what kind of “bitch she was”, in her very first scene.

Her father killed fathers and sons and ruined families, and here she is writing a book about this and that, essentially capitalizing on her father’s crimes, and on a TV show, given a car and driver and some type of salary, and we would think.  VH1 must be putting her up, because Gravano lives in Arizona and returned to Staten Island only for this show.  And not in a good neighborhood by the way in case you wonder.  Her ‘hood is considered the ghetto for our upscale area, and Karen belongs there, because she is as ghetto as anyone on television.

She sits there and says to the camera that Renee is so attached and so proud of the mafia life that she’ll never be able to divorce herself from it.  She says that, and that’s true, with Renee this week throwing a party and a fight at that party, and pitching an idea for a website that sends cards and packages to inmates at prisons.  But she’s real.  She’s the “realest bitch you know”, in fact.  We were basically fighting with fists since episode 1, and in four years of New York Housewives, and however many years of Danielle in NJ, whose supposedly stripping at Scores btw, we haven’t seen Danielle or Jill or The Countess or Kelly get their asses kicked, although Teresa was awesome when she flipped the table and called Danielle a “prostitution whore”.

Also, honorable mention to Jacquie’s fat daughter who pulled out Danielle’s weave.  Priceless.  But the NJ Housewives are more real than NY, and the Mob Wives completely own it.  If Mob Wife Drita, who we think is the best character on MB, got told a bunch of high sissy nitpicking shit like Luann tries all the time, she might probably tell her to “shut the fuck up” and if she felt like throwing down, she’d slide her shoes off and then crack her face open.

We’re hoping that on this show, so great for us personally because we have been on the fringe of this sort of element and been fascinated by it always, that we could look upon it in its rawest form.  We think that there’s a good chance that Drita, our best character, is going to fuck up Karen Gravano, by far the shows most despicable character, fairly soon, because Gravano, of all people, feels betrayed by Drita for marrying her former boyfriend.  Important details: Drita is smoking hot and Gravano loos like Porky Pig, Gravano wants to write about Drita’s husband, who is a stone cold gangster who is not kidding when he says on his collect calls from upstate that Karen is a “stupid bitch” and that she “better fucking leave my name out of it.”  Drita, is married to the guy for 13 years and started dating him after he and Karen broke up, and now she has kids and a marriage with him, and to Karen, this isn’t just ancient history.

Because she wants to sell a show and a book, and also, because she’s a despicable and warped person who learned from the best.  She’s trying to sell a book about her father’s crimes, and the crimes she committed after her father went away because she had to be bad to prove herself and to act out in the wake of her father becoming the biggest rat in history, who murdered in cold blood 20 or so, to boot.  But it will sell, because people are fascinated by this mafia stuff.  Only, is she entitled to profit off of her father’s crimes?  We would hope any and all victims file suit over proceeds.

Renee may be annoying as all hell, and the bullshit she’s always spouting about her poor son this and that.  Listen, if someone is sick of your rude ass and texts you to that effect, and your son sees the text, that’s no reason to blame someone else.  You are in control of your own phone.  But Carla held her own, despite giving up a hundred lbs. or so, got a few mushes in, also winning the verbal argument.  Renee is jealous of Carla because Carla looks good, or is a “skinny bitch”, as she says, and maybe even because Carla does have a boyfriend and the attention of other men vying for her.

But Karen?  Oh God, so terrible.  But keeping pushing it.  Keep bringing it up to Drita, even though, as she says, she can’t go back in time and make this Lee thing any different, so she better just drop it.  Karen wants us to think she’s so divorced from the life, but then went to a little store in Brooklyn where her father used to collect gambling money and plot murders, and had the nerve to tell the people she wanted to look inside and that she was “Sammy’s daughter.”

She should hide her head in shame, and yet, she is bragging to the cameras about how smart a criminal her dad is, and how brilliant he was for picking a residence right off the exit to the highway where the house couldn’t be surveiled.  She’s as proud as Renee or prouder of her background, and while Renee isn’t our best character, she doesn’t have the same life ruining sins of her father on her head.

Karen is almost indescribably wicked.  We can’t wait until Drita breaks her face in.  Really.

Crack (http://crackbillionair.wordpress.com)

Teresa Giudice (above) and her rival, richer and prettier sister-in-law, Melissa Gorga (below).

Believe it or not, Real Housewives of New Jersey star Teresa Giudice has worse enemies than recently fired castmate Danielle Staub.  Like Melissa Gorga, the wife of Teresa’s brother, with whom she does not speak.  Shouldn’t take a lot to imagine Teresa’s reaction when she found out that Melissa was joining the cast of The Real Housewives of New Jersey, in all likelihood, as a replacement for the departed Dina Manzo.

Hey Teresa: be careful what you wish for.

Now that despised Danielle Staub has been axed from “The Real Housewives of New Jersey,” the show has recruited new cast member Melissa Gorga — hothead Teresa Giudice’s sister-in-law and bitter enemy.

There’s apparently no love lost between rivals Teresa and Melissa, who’s married to Teresa’s kid brother, Giuseppe Gorga.

While the profligate Teresa and hubby Joe are bankrupt and fending off creditors, Melissa and Giuseppe — a former landscaper who segued into real estate development — are living the good life in their $4 million mansion in tony Montville, NJ.

Bravo cameras have been filming Melissa, Giuseppe and their three young kids (two boys and a girl) for several weeks now, according to radaronline — which quotes an insider as saying, “Teresa and Melissa don’t get along . . . They don’t speak.”

How great is that?

Melissa, in fact, was said to be peeved that Teresa put the kibosh on allowing Antonia — Melissa’s daughter — to ride in a limo with her cousin Gia to Gia’s birthday party, which aired last season.

Can you say “dysfunctional family”?

http://www.nypost.com/p/entertainment/tv/sister_wife_CW8o5HjlhsyxpRb7HlF8bN

As for Danielle’s firing, it would seem as though the news blindsided her, but of course, that’s not Staub’s spin on her pink slip.

“Actually, I’m not even thinking about season three right now, as I am considering many incredible options that have been presented to me,” Staub, 48, told PopEater.com. “Right now, I just want to let fans know that we have a fantastic finale coming up next week and explosive reunion shows on Aug. 30 and Sept. 6. Don’t worry next year, I’ll still be the one you either love to hate or hate to love.”

Bravo told the scandal-ridden reality star that she would not be returning for the show’s third season, reported Life & Style, adding that it “came as a complete shock” to the former model.

http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2010/08/17/2010-08-17_danielle_staub_speaks_out_about_being_fired_from_real_housewives_of_new_jersey_h.html

You can keep up with your favorite New York and New Jersey housewives at the links below:

http://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/08/04/real-housewives-of-nj-teresa-jersey-tan-queen-see-her-commercial/

http://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/07/13/real-housewives-of-njs-teresa-to-danielle-you-are-a-coke-fucking-whore/

http://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/06/08/real-housewives-of-nj-teresa-and-joe-declare-bankruptcy/

http://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/06/08/real-housewives-of-nj-is-teresas-bankruptcy-a-cover-for-ill-gotten-gains/

http://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/06/09/real-housewives-of-nj-see-bankrupt-teresas-new-maserati/

http://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/05/28/real-mob-wives-of-new-jersey/

http://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/06/16/real-housewives-of-nj-dina-drops-danielle-drama-exits-cast/
http://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/07/07/real-housewives-of-njs-dina-danielle-interfered-with-my-daughters-custody/

http://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/06/08/real-housewives-of-nj-danielles-latest-sex-tape-soon-to-be-released/
http://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/07/22/real-housewives-of-nj-another-danielle-police-report/

http://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/06/04/mob-housewives-of-nj-v-for-vendetta/

http://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/07/21/real-housewives-of-nj-danielle-sued-by-ex-over-sex-tape/

http://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/07/10/in-touch-on-real-housewives-of-nycs-kelly-she-spikes-her-morning-coffee-with-patron/

http://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/04/30/real-housewives-getting-ugly-literally-and-figuratively/

http://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/06/04/rhnyc-sonja-morgan-mugshot-see-it/

http://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/06/03/rhnycs-kelly-systematic-bullying-is-never-okay-see-video/

http://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/05/26/rhnycs-kelly-nervous-breakthrough-not-nervous-breakdown/

http://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/05/22/rhnyc-kelly-flips-out-video-clip-bikini-shot/

http://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/05/15/rhnyc-kelly-says-amazing-a-lot-video/

http://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/05/15/real-housewives-nyc-countess-luann-sings-badly-video/

http://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/05/10/real-housewives-of-nyc-jill-wrong-again/

As for the rumors that Joe Giudice is cheating on Teresa…

In the latest issue of InTouch Weekly, Joe laughs off the rumors, stating that he and Teresa “still make love once, sometimes twice a day.”  Why thank ya Joe for that TMI detail.

Back to this Tara individual, there’s still no proof that this person even exists or that Joe is cheating. We however received an email earlier this week, with someone telling us that the girl’s name is Tara F., and that she is blonde with blue eyes, 100% Sicilian and speaks fluent Italian.

The tipster also alleges that Tara F. “makes her own money working for a major fashion brand in Philly. Rumors are that Joe wants to separate from Teresa, sell the house and live with Tara in NJ or PA. She just bought a farmhouse on 8 acres in Bucks County.”

http://www.realitytea.com/2010/09/02/nj-housewives-joe-and-teresa-giudice-deny-cheating-rumors/

Teresa should have plenty of reasons to toss some tables next season, it seems.  Danielle or no Danielle.

–Crack (http://crackbillionair.wordpress.com, www.crackbillionair.com)

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