Danielle Staub (above), captioned with Teresa Guidice’s new label.
Last night’s Real Housewives of New Jersey began with the conclusion of a two week old cliffhanger–Teresa’s and Danielle’s latest confrontation. Teresa had said a forced hello to Danielle, lying in wait on a chair outside the bathroom for Danielle, and then made awkward conversation until she got the argument she had been dying for. When Danielle took offense to Teresa calling her honey, Teresa replied:
I don’t wanna call you honey because you’re an old hag. Is bitch better?
Teresa then told Danielle:
You are a coke whore!
Then tons of people started trying to get in front of Teresa, who was chasing down Danielle with the fury and grace of the great Jim Brown shedding tacklers, until she had forced Danielle, who had broken a heel, to hide in the bushes (below) outside the country club where Kim D was throwing her fashion show, which Jacqueline’s daughter Ashley, mind you, was modelling in.
Now as Danielle, who has run her mouth off all season about how forceful she will be this year with the other housewives, and who brings in Danny Provenzano to call the Manzo’s youngest son Chris a “fag” and antagonize everyone at The Brownstone, which the Manzo’s own, is cowering in the bushes, Ashley comes up behind her and yanks out Danielle’s weave and a clump of her hair. The two have been warring on facebook, and Ashley, who has been looking to get into it with Danielle, finally gets her chance, using the excuse that she thought Danielle had hit her mom, Jacqueline.
Jacqueline tells Ashley to go home, but Ashley goes back into the club and sits down with Teresa and Kim D., and on Danielle, remarks:
I pulled her fucking weave out.
This was right after Teresa and Jacqueline had assembled like lions around Danielle’s transport.
Jacqueline: Teresa, what are you doing?
Teresa: I wanna talk to the bitch (laughing).
When the police came, they wanted to take Teresa’s driver’s license for the complaint, and Teresa told the cops:
Why don’t you take her license. She’s the one who’s the drama queen. She’s the one that’s the coke whore.
The next day, Teresa and Jacqueline go to Caroline’s to debrief, while Danielle meets separately with Kim G and Danny. Teresa tells the girls:
I wanted to say hi because I’m lady.
Danny tells Danielle upon hearing her version of the events:
I woulda been back in jail.
Then we see Danielle take this call while driving from this weird person, a lady named Sarai, who is supposedly Danielle’s energist. My cousin, my wife, and I are like, “energist equals coke dealer?” The energist calls Jacqueline and removes some of her bad energy via cell phone and Jacqueline tells her that whatever she’s doing for Danielle isn’t working.
Teresa tells Joe what happened, re-enacts Danielle running away from her and her chasing down Danielle, tells Joe that Kim G is a nosey pain in the balls.
Joe: Who’s Kim G?
Teresa: The Older Lady.
Joe: Oh God.
Then Teresa starts kissing Joe and ever so lady like, asks if she can “have tongue.”
Danielle is crying to everyone who will listen, telling Kim G and Danny:
My neck was hurting. My eyes were twitching.
Danny is trying to act irate, meanwhile, tons of internet queries have come through google in the past day along the lines of “danny provenzano wig.” Take a look:
And that wild teenager Ashley posts on facebook that the fashion show was “un-be-weave-able.” This pissed off her dad, Chris Moltissanti, um, I mean, Chris Laurita, who tells her to “Mind your own business”, “I’ve had enough of you and your mouth”, and “Shut your mouth. How about that (below)?”
Then Chris tells her that the next time she communicates with Danielle she can pack her bags and get out of their house.
Danielle is obviously fucking with the wrong people. How much dumber can she get, and what other incendiary run-ins can Andy Cohen orchestrate between now and the end of the season, are two prominent questions that will have RHONJ fans buzzing as season 2 winds down on perhaps a season as interesting as the recent Real Housewives of New York City.
We’ll be keeping a close watch on the situation in New Jersey for you.