Celebrity Rehab’s Frankie (above).



We’re slightly less thrilled with the last 2 episodes of Celebrity Rehab than we were with the first few. Rachel Uchitel has not been sporting the short shorts, for one, and Eric Roberts seems to have abandoned his titty tanks.  Roberts though, has been a major emphasis of the show of late, and the drama surrounding the reunion with his step son Keaton, who was interestingly attired in a t-shirt emblazoned with the words “Legalize Gay.” 

Frankly, the focus on Roberts’ personal life is not nearlyas fun or entertaining as the engines that moved the show early on and are so satisfying to us.  Like Jason “Gummy Bear” Davis’s scorched earth policy of nervous breakdown inducing abuse.  In fact, we were very dissatisfied with 2 weeks ago’s cliffhanger ending and resolution or lack thereof, when 4 police officers filed into the recovery center looking for Jason Davis.  We’re still unsure what the cops wanted.  Could the incident be chalked up to some combination of poorly cut video/dead end publicity stunt?  That’s our opinion.  Davis has settled in a bit and calmed down, and though he offered us no highlight reel moments of late, we do agree with the great Howard Stern that Davis is entertainment gold.  In this space a few weeks back we called for Gummy Bear’s own reality show, and this week, Howard said in his return to the air that Davis has a knack for verbal abuse and cutting sarcasm, and is interested in giving him his own show on Sirius XM.  Still, Davis’s best moment of late was when Dr. Drew said that Gummy Bear has “the body of an 80 year old man.”












A placid Davis, a low key Uchitel, and a calmer but crimped out Janice Dickinson have given way to the family sagas of Eric Roberts, who we feel is far better on the attack than on the mend, and of Jeremy London, who we do not give a damn about.  London’s drama over a tabloid piece planted in the Enquirer by his burnt out and blown out silicon spectacle of a wife, now also at the Pasadena Recovery Center and who is spying on London through the bushes from a separate wing of the facility, is not at all compelling.  As London complains about how the incident has destroyed his “career”, only the following question and statement come to mind: what career, and get that fucking Yankees shirt off.


Leif Garrett and Frankie have lent spice to the show in the wake left by the absence of outrageousness from our favorites.  Garrett, a card carrying crackhead, had the group as well as counselor Bob in a tizzy when he got up from their table in a restaurant and announced he should like to have a beer.  It’s even more interesting when several people attempt to explain to the dense Garrett why recovering addicts can’t drink alcohol.  “But I’m not an alcoholic” he continues to repeat while a full air force fleet sails over his head.

Then Frankie and Shelly argue when Frankie refuses to do as the others had and won’t delete the drug contacts from her phone.  Frankie, another dense one, fails to see how not doing so will be harmful to her.  Shelly, clean 14.5 years, tries to explain it to her, to which Frankie declares that there’s really no difference between the 14 years Shelly has clean and the 18 days Frankie has clean.

The highlight of the episode had to be when Mike Starr and Tom Sizemore, Celebrity Rehab alumni and personal favorites who are now clean, talk to the current crop about how the program saved their lives.  We thought about how great it was to see them doing well, as we contemplated the fact that this Celebrity Rehab season is winding down.  We hope Dr. Drew can recruit Uchitel, Gummy Bear, Janice Dickinson, and Frankie for Soberhouse.

Crack (https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com, www.crackbillionair.com)