Drita D’Avanzo, star of Real Mobwives (above).

Let’s get right to the real and the housewife stuff from the Bravo Series, most of them aren’t housewives, and most of it is unreal.  It’s entertaining in a grotesque way, sure, and it’s been holding our interest between New York, New Jersey, and Beverly Hills since the start of New York, which may even be way too long.  So we had no expectations about Real Mobwives, or even that we’d be able to watch.  It was foolish of us.  We live in these neighborhoods where the Mob Wives have their drinks, their fancy parties and the gyms where they work out, and the street signs they flash are sometimes our own.

We’ve come from the neighborhoods where these mob husbands have committed their crimes, and we know people who know the victims, of say, the Sammy Gravano serial killing rampage.  It’s one of the reasons why, whether we are pre-prejudiced to her already, but we really, really do not like Karen Gravano.  Her father was a mass murderer and a rat, making him essentially one of the most dangerous and selfish criminals of all time.  She is part of that family–from that family.  Karen’s done nothing to win her any fans since strolling her plus size ass into the bar at Da’ Noi and revealing to all what kind of “bitch she was”, in her very first scene.

Her father killed fathers and sons and ruined families, and here she is writing a book about this and that, essentially capitalizing on her father’s crimes, and on a TV show, given a car and driver and some type of salary, and we would think.  VH1 must be putting her up, because Gravano lives in Arizona and returned to Staten Island only for this show.  And not in a good neighborhood by the way in case you wonder.  Her ‘hood is considered the ghetto for our upscale area, and Karen belongs there, because she is as ghetto as anyone on television.

She sits there and says to the camera that Renee is so attached and so proud of the mafia life that she’ll never be able to divorce herself from it.  She says that, and that’s true, with Renee this week throwing a party and a fight at that party, and pitching an idea for a website that sends cards and packages to inmates at prisons.  But she’s real.  She’s the “realest bitch you know”, in fact.  We were basically fighting with fists since episode 1, and in four years of New York Housewives, and however many years of Danielle in NJ, whose supposedly stripping at Scores btw, we haven’t seen Danielle or Jill or The Countess or Kelly get their asses kicked, although Teresa was awesome when she flipped the table and called Danielle a “prostitution whore”.

Also, honorable mention to Jacquie’s fat daughter who pulled out Danielle’s weave.  Priceless.  But the NJ Housewives are more real than NY, and the Mob Wives completely own it.  If Mob Wife Drita, who we think is the best character on MB, got told a bunch of high sissy nitpicking shit like Luann tries all the time, she might probably tell her to “shut the fuck up” and if she felt like throwing down, she’d slide her shoes off and then crack her face open.

We’re hoping that on this show, so great for us personally because we have been on the fringe of this sort of element and been fascinated by it always, that we could look upon it in its rawest form.  We think that there’s a good chance that Drita, our best character, is going to fuck up Karen Gravano, by far the shows most despicable character, fairly soon, because Gravano, of all people, feels betrayed by Drita for marrying her former boyfriend.  Important details: Drita is smoking hot and Gravano loos like Porky Pig, Gravano wants to write about Drita’s husband, who is a stone cold gangster who is not kidding when he says on his collect calls from upstate that Karen is a “stupid bitch” and that she “better fucking leave my name out of it.”  Drita, is married to the guy for 13 years and started dating him after he and Karen broke up, and now she has kids and a marriage with him, and to Karen, this isn’t just ancient history.

Because she wants to sell a show and a book, and also, because she’s a despicable and warped person who learned from the best.  She’s trying to sell a book about her father’s crimes, and the crimes she committed after her father went away because she had to be bad to prove herself and to act out in the wake of her father becoming the biggest rat in history, who murdered in cold blood 20 or so, to boot.  But it will sell, because people are fascinated by this mafia stuff.  Only, is she entitled to profit off of her father’s crimes?  We would hope any and all victims file suit over proceeds.

Renee may be annoying as all hell, and the bullshit she’s always spouting about her poor son this and that.  Listen, if someone is sick of your rude ass and texts you to that effect, and your son sees the text, that’s no reason to blame someone else.  You are in control of your own phone.  But Carla held her own, despite giving up a hundred lbs. or so, got a few mushes in, also winning the verbal argument.  Renee is jealous of Carla because Carla looks good, or is a “skinny bitch”, as she says, and maybe even because Carla does have a boyfriend and the attention of other men vying for her.

But Karen?  Oh God, so terrible.  But keeping pushing it.  Keep bringing it up to Drita, even though, as she says, she can’t go back in time and make this Lee thing any different, so she better just drop it.  Karen wants us to think she’s so divorced from the life, but then went to a little store in Brooklyn where her father used to collect gambling money and plot murders, and had the nerve to tell the people she wanted to look inside and that she was “Sammy’s daughter.”

She should hide her head in shame, and yet, she is bragging to the cameras about how smart a criminal her dad is, and how brilliant he was for picking a residence right off the exit to the highway where the house couldn’t be surveiled.  She’s as proud as Renee or prouder of her background, and while Renee isn’t our best character, she doesn’t have the same life ruining sins of her father on her head.

Karen is almost indescribably wicked.  We can’t wait until Drita breaks her face in.  Really.

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