Aqua Teens

The Aqua Teens are moving to fucking Seattle?  We can see why they’d ditch the Jersey Shore, honestly, but that might have been our favorite joke–where they live.  And no more Schooly D?  Hopefully, the hub about the new name, new town, and all the changes are just shenanigans, as a trusted source and keen Aqua Teen fan, Mr. White suggests.  No matter where they live, we’re glad they’re back, and hope that Carl, the Mooninites, the Frat Aliens, and our other favorites all make the cut.

Now, though, everything is changing. In a new video released by Adult Swim, a horrible Meatwad puppet explains, “The creative forces behind Aqua Teen Hunger Force are unhappy with the pilot of Aqua Teen Hunger Force and the subsequent 99 episodes of Aqua Teen Hunger Force.” Thus, the show’s eighth season will feature a new setting — hello, Seattle! — and a new theme song by Josh Homme — farewell, Schoolly D! Also, the show has been retitled Aqua Unit Patrol Squad 1.

We’ll be ready for the “new” show tonight at 11:45 PM on Cartoon Network, even though it’s West Coast now.  And Schooly?  Respect.

Crack (,

Beauty and the perverted old hick (above).

Former Jet quarterback Brett Favre had the exact nature of his perverted indiscretions revealed today by, and we applaud them for um, exposing the old drama queen from Mississipi.  Please check out the video and audio at the link below, where you can hear Favre’s voicemails to Jenn Sterger, and see the dick pics he sent her via text.

To quote our favorite frat alien, Donkey Puncher from our favorite cartoon, the Aqua Teens: “Ohhhh busted!”  But in reality, in the eyes of the NFL we are sure Favre is still viewed as a model citizen.  And that’s dick.

Crack (,

Rafael Nadal and Gael Monfils, have just begun their QF match in Madrid, in what should be an ultimate moon ball contest of epic proportion. 

Can Monfils master the original moon master?

I hope they both lose.


Let me begin by saying that while I have watched this show for years, I have to thank Mr. White for bringing the Aqua Teen Hunger Force to my attention–forcibly.  Mr. White is 10,000 times the Aqua Teens fan that I am, and probably, it is he who should be talking to you about their 100th episode because he is expert and more equipped to do so.  But Mr. White has barely enough time to watch the 12 minute cartoon, let alone write about it, so I am going to apprehensively step in here, and mention a few things about “100.”

The show began with an extended version of the Aqua Teen theme by Schoolly D, over the names of the many that Dave Willis and Matt Maiellero, the show’s producers, wanted to thank.  The list included some well known names–Fred Armisen, Kelly Hogan, Lauren Thomas, Marin County, Ted Nugent, Tera Patrick, T-Pain, Sammy Hagar, Will Forte, and Schooly D, among them.  Then they rolled into their actual theme.  After which, we are treated to a view of the Aqua Teens living room, even more unkempt than usual, with the numbers 1-0-0 scribbled everywhere, and equations arriving at 100 also dotting the walls.  The highly intelligent Frylock is worked up over the numbers that he feels are a harbinger of doom from ancient Mayan civilization–and Frylock is rarely wrong.

Well, there was the time when he was sure he had the greatest space age toilet created, which swallowed Carl’s torso when he tried it out, causing Fry to make a new torso for Carl made of eye balls.  And Fry couldn’t beat “Wayne the Brain” at trivia, and opted for the cheap alternative when Meatwad needed a new doll, bringing home “Happy Time Harry” who was really “Suicidal Larry”, voiced by David Cross, who had the Aqua Teens in an uproar with his switch blade hand, and his constant needs for pills, booze, and money, because his bills weren’t gonna get paid by themselves, now were they?

Master Shake, usually too self involved to pay Frylock any mind, also has 100 on the brain.  One hundred to him is the magic number, the number that means big bucks in syndication, and so he is off on a chartered plane to LA to meet with The Cartoon Network to discuss his syndication money, which he is told is not headed his way because the ATHF is “only 11 minutes” and they really only have about 50 half hour shows.  Shake takes off his top, revealing an animated Dana Snyder, who the executives tell is “really, really boring”, even after he previews a pilot of the Aqua Teens new cartoon, the Aqua Unit Patrol Squad, in which all the characters have been framed through the lens of a Scooby Doo cartoon (pictured below).

While episode 100 did give us a funny Scooby Doo parody, a depiction of the Aqua Teens in Mayan hieroglyphics

and revealed Master Shake as a Lakers fan (below), as well as what was in his cup, we guess 11 minutes was not time

enough to include any of our personal favorite sometime characters, like The Mooninites, The Frat Aliens, The Wisdom Cube or his cousin, Dusty Gozongas, or the Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past From the Future, they did give us a voice over by Bob Smigel, a little Carl, a Daphne like character from Scooby Doo who gets raped and beheaded, in no certain order, by the Mayan one hundred monster off somewhere in the woods (yes, Frylock is right!) and the continuation of a noticeable pattern–that the Aqua Teens don’t need any special players to make their special episodes work.  They’d rather keep surprising their faithful, who were in a funk a few years back after the ATHF movie because we thought the show was done–only to see it rise again, to our considerable relief.

Once upon a time, Mr. White always disappeared on Sundays through Thursday nights around midnight, and we’d find him glued to the television, with the remote control well hidden.  We’d sit with him, watch a show we didn’t understand that came and went in what seemed like the blink of an eye about a box of fries, a very mean milkshake, and a blob of raw chopped meat who lived together at the Jersey Shore.  The show for the most part defied description and understanding–until you saw it enough times to get that that was the point.  For me, that moment ocurred while Carl was at the wedding aisle, about to take an Eastern Bloc mail order bride.  He is asked for his bride’s name and his own last name, and says “It doesn’t matter.  None of this matters.”

That is when the Aqua Teen Hunger Force began to matter a lot to me.   Now excuse me as I flip you the bird as hard as I possibly can.  Busted!

–Crack (