Bill Belichik


After the Ravens’ 28-13 win, Suggs absolutely unloaded on New England, telling Yahoo! Sports, “Tell them to have fun at the Pro Bowl. Arrogant f—-ers.”

He then directed his ire toward Bill Belichick, even bringing up the Pats’ championship dry spell since SpyGate.

“These are the most arrogant p—– in the world starting with (coach Bill) Belichick on down. … ever since SpyGate they haven’t been able to win.”’

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Buh buh blam blam!!!!  Word!!  Funny, real, and true.

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Jets Stadium TourWoody Johnson (above), who should make that helmet a permanent component of his wardrobe.

There is no dysfunction quite like that Jet dysfunction.  There are no shit rosters quite like Jet shit rosters (anyone besides myself recall a wide receiver tandem of the little engine that could, Wayne Chrebet, and Arena football player Kevin Swayne?).  There are no blown second rounders like Jet blown second rounders (Browning Nagle, Mike Nugent, Vlad Ducasse, etc.).  Don’t even talk about the 1st round, where the Jets passed on Warren Sapp and once drafted Bryan Thomas over sure Hall of Famer Ed Reed.  But understand this: former owner Leon Hess, while not a football man, was an excellent businessman, was kind and benevolent, and oversaw the drafting of the team’s only franchise quarterback, Joe Namath, in its now 50+ year history, and subsequently, the Jets only Superbowl victory, the historic first ever Superbowl win for the American Football League, which helped force the merger that led to the formation of the NFL.

Did he make mistakes?  Too many to count.  Rich Kotite, anyone?  But Hess also hired Big Bill who led the organization to its most successful decade, sans the Superbowl, in its history.  Mr. Hess, which we call him out of respect, an earned title, was a self made man with courage and character, who, to carve out an empire in oil, had to negotiate with a gun barrel to his nose, and who cared so much for his employees that when Dennis Byrd was paralyzed during play, Hess paid out the rest of Byrd’s contract in full, immediately, and took an enormous personal interest in Byrd’s recovery.  Mr. Hess ensured Byrd would receive the very best medical care, essentially bequeathed him his personal aircraft, and sat with Byrd in the hospital every day for a year.

Once when asked of it, a candid Hess told a reporter that if he knew that a player could get injured so seriously in football, he “would have never bought the team.”  Upon Byrd’s recovery, at the press conference when he was released from the hospital, the former player uttered that most famous line, probably the most pride inspiring line associated with the Jets in all history, when he said, “I came to New York from Oklahoma a young Christian man.  Today I return to Oklahoma a young Christian man and a New York Jet.”

The current owner, Woody Johnson, who gets no respectful moniker from us, should not be viewed by anyone, most especially himself, through the illusory prism that wealth and power equate to success.  Johnson & Johnson had made billions long before Woody came to be.  Unlike Mr. Hess, Woody inherited his billions, gained his various titles through nepotism, and whatever honors bestowed upon him through cronyism, the spoils of privilege.  He’s not much of a business man, so far as we can tell.  Let’s be frank.  Billions beget billions.  He’s not much of a family man either, so far as we can tell.  Johnson, when divorcing ex Sale Johnson, soon after purchasing the team, told reporters of the break up that he was looking forward to ‘spending more time with his team.’  It hasn’t worked out for the Johnson family or the team.

As you may or may not know, Woody’s eldest daughter, Casey Johnson, who once famously became embroiled in a public dispute with her own aunt over a paramour, died alone due to questionable circumstances at the age of 30.  She had been described in the press as a “reckless wildchild”, a “wayward heiress”, etc.  Tragedy strikes and is blind to bank accounts.  Do we feel bad about raising a spectre of questionability around Johnson’s personal life?  No.  And for that matter, the spectre was there long before we raised it.  He’s a public figure and is therefore subject to it, as was Joe Philbin, when his low life, rapist son drowned to death and Tony Dungy, whose son committed suicide, and we haven’t blinked once in criticizing those men, whether they were just absentee football lifer fathers, hypocrites (like Dungy, who perhaps was too wrapped up in Jesus and the scourge that is foul language to worry about his own son), or both.

Is it overly simplistic to blame an absentee, disinterested parent for his child’s lack of mental well being?  Is it?  You tell us.  In this case, we have discerned with Woody a pattern of failure, from his ownership of the team, to his marriage, to his family, and of course, his politics.  Woody, a staunch Republican, was heavily invested in both recent Bush campaigns, and also served as Mitt Romney’s New York campaign manager.  Do we have to ask how that went?  For all his billions, Johnson is a dimwitted loser.  Anyone with even remedial knowledge of politics knew that Romeny’s chances at claiming NY’s slice of the electoral pie were dead even before arrival.  On that bus, there are still plenty of great seats available.  What about the doomsday quotes from Woody about how he feared for America if Obama was re-elected?

“Well I think you always have to put country first,” Johnson said. “So I think it’s very, very important that for – not only us – but in particular for our kids and grandkids that this election come off with Mitt Romney and (Paul) Ryan as President and vice president.”

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You know, America seems perfectly fine to me under Obama.  I haven’t really noticed the pervasive spread of socialism and am rather glad that the war mongering ways of Bush’s patrician fantasy world are for now past.  But I am not a billionaire being taxed at a rate I deem too high.  I’m just a Crackbillionair is all.  And if Woody was such a patriot, pardon the pun, why try to cheat his beloved US Gov’t out of a cool $100M in taxes?  That’s what he agreed to pay back the gov’t, plus interest, in 2001, but in actuality, law enforcement believes it to be a great deal more.

So many superrich Americans evade taxes using offshore accounts that law enforcement cannot control the growing misconduct, according to a Senate report that provides the most detailed look ever at high-level tax schemes.

Among the billionaires cited in the report are the owner of the New York Jets football team, Robert Wood Johnson IV; the producer of the “Mighty Morphin Power Rangers” children’s show, Haim Saban; and two Texas businessmen, Charles and Sam Wyly, who the Center for Public Integrity found in 2000 were the ninth-largest contributors to President Bush.

When Woody bought the team, he had supposedly done so to impress his billionaire buddies.  He was gonna win the big game and then flash the big bling at Tavern on the Green.  How’s that working out so far?  You think his buddies are are impressed?  Do you think they were impressed when Mark Sanchez was found to be entertaining an underage girl at his home?  Or when Rex’s wife’s swinger profile hit on

Woody was also gonna build that Jets’ mecca on the Westside, which, we’ll acknowledge would have elevated the Jets’ status from 2nd to 1st class citizens, which would’ve rebranded the team and provided Dallas Cowboy like revenue streams.  See, we think Woody cares way more about money than football and that the Jets’ Westside development project was what was really attractive to him, and not so much the Jets, despite the man’s obvious love of green Oxford ties.  We suspect little Bill knew as much, and is why he hastily tendered his resignation, scrawled on a napkin when Johnson took over (“I resign as HC of the NYJ”).


While no one doubts that Woody put a lot of energy into the Westside project at considerable costs, should we commend a man for spending $1B on a failure?  Instead, we’ll add it to the ever expanding list of Johnson failures–a failure from which the franchise has never recovered that has conscripted the team to permanent second class status by settling for another joint stadium.  Johnson blew that billion and has been penny wise and dollar foolish ever since.  Especially, his practice of forcing unwanted players and coaches on the organization.  Brett Favre, forced on Mangini, for the promotional value.  Disaster.  Mangini holdover Brian Schottenheimer, who when he was considered a hot coaching commodity, was given a big new contract by the Jets, forced on Rex Ryan.  Disaster.  Made Schottenheimer a media scapegoat and ruined his reputation.  Tebow, forced on Ryan.  Disaster.  Not our words either, or rather, ours and Special Teams Coordinator Mike Westhoff’s, who went on talk radio in Miami today to call the Tebow situation, among other things, “an absolute mess” and a “distraction” and said he doesn’t understand the rationale behind the acquisition and that he doesn’t think anyone does.

alg-woody-favre-jpgWoody Johnson with old man toy Brett Favre (above).

We though the new personnel guy was gonna be Tom Gamble for a minute, or Dave Caldwell.  Hoped it would be Giants’ executive Marc Ross, all guys the Jets have courted.  and by the Jets, we of course mean the outside consulting firm the Jets have hired to run their GM search, because despite Johnson owning his own near billion dollar football organization, he has not one reasonably knowledgeable football man trustworthy enough to make a solid hire.

Originally, the Jets hoped to have a hire in place by the time Rex and ihaveprettyfeet returned from their Bahamas jaunt, someone to begin to spin the stench off the joke, the perennial catastrophe that is the Jets, and to divert attention away from the fact that the Jets organization was so unprepared to face the media that they ignored their compulsory obligation to make the coach and owner available to the press within 7 days of their season’s end.

So last week it was the Caldwells and Gambles, and then this week they have supposedly interviewed six people in the last 2 days alone.  Including the Dolphins Assistant GM, who we’re certain is underqualified.  But a qualified GM would never accept preconditions on the job, such as the shot gun marriage with Rex which Johnson is forcing whomever the new fool to accept.

The expanded search, which now includes way more interviewees than what is a normal when replacing a GM for other teams, is representative of the fact that the Jets are grossly incompetent, clueless, and fucked.  I mean, who but the Jets, would have a hiring search that included Tom Heckert, the GM of a club that lost 40+ games in 3 years in Cleveland, or even worse, personnel people from the Montreal Alouettes of the CFL?  Now I don’t like Wes Welker at all, but when he said that shit about the Patriots “putting their best foot forward” against the Jets, ‘toe the line’ or whatever, we can’t blame him.  The Jets are a joke, continually perpetuated by their own organization, so how can anyone be angry when people joke about them?  In fact, we are pretty sure that the only reason that Belichik came down so hard on Welker was because he feared not doing so would provide the Jets extra motivation.  In short, he fined Welker in order to have a better shot at success in a football game.

The original title for this piece was to be, “NYJ: Woody Johnson, Billionaire Moron, Despicable Human Being, and Gross Incompetent, Should Sell the NYJ”.  But since all of that is dreadfully obvious, truths we hold self evident, we instead opted for a Welkerism.

Same old Jets?  We wish we could somehow return to such a comfortable level of incompetence, one we had come to accept.  Instead, we are mired in incompetence that we can only describe as mind boggling, prolific, and sublime.  After Dennis Byrd returned to Oklahoma, the Jets, as a kindness to their fans, should have disbanded, letting us all root for the Giants.

In loving memory of Dr. Jet.  Now if he would only stop haunting my house.

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Tom and Gisele (above).  Don’t worry, Boston fans, we hate it as much as you do or more when Brady wears his Yankees cap.

So on Sunday evening Gisele Bundchen ripped into the New England Patriot receivers, as portrayed in the video above.  So what?  Is she a bad person?  Who knows?  I mean, she did arguably break up Brady and Bridget Moynahan, when Moynahan was like 8 months pregnant and whatnot, and Moynahan was a tad pissed.  So much so, that she decided to name her impending arrival with the acronym Brady hates the most:  JET (John Edward Thomas).  And Moynahan barred Brady from the birthing room and hates his guts to this day and always has, blah blah blah.

I hate to say so, but he is Tom Brady, one of the best quarterbacks to ever live.  All the normal people rules we are encumbered with, and some morals perhaps, do not bog down a guy like Tom Terrific.  Nor Gisele Bundchen for that matter.  This is like a Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie deal.  The biggest NFL star decided to trade up to a hotter piece of ass.  Sure many a big name star, male, female, whatever, would never think to do such a thing.  Sure.  But they can.  If they opt to do so, it’s done.  Survival of the hottest, the fittest, the best looking, the tallest, the richest, and on and on and on.

We can’t kill her for that and we can’t kill Tom either.  Who knows?  Maybe Moynahan is so annoying that Tom was playing for the out all along.  Or maybe the Bundchen sex is just that good.  At least some good came of it all:  Brady’s kid is named Jet.  And that’s priceless.

It was beginning to look like for a long time that would be the greatest pleasure that Brady would allow the Brady haters.  Then Bernard Pollard put that hit on Tom’s knee, causing him to miss almost a full season, and we were giddy, thinking he might be done for.  But Tom is just that good.  Other guys might not have come back as strong, or at all, and here comes Brady back, setting records and making Super Bowls.

Thank the Lord almighty that he has been losing them.  Losing to the Giants 17-14 a few years back and devastating the perfect season was a bounty, for sure.  Oh, the press conferences!  Nothing at all quite like hearing Tom Brady whine.  Let me turn you on to this, please, if you are unaware.  When the Brady haters have the great fortune of the Patriots losing a game, as rare as that may be, they should go to the Patriots website and watch the Brady press conference, and for that matter, the Belichik one too.

Now that’s entertainment.  Seems like an oxymoron, Belichik and entertainment, but trust me nontheless.  It’s such a hot ticket must see that I still have my TV tuned in to NBC waiting for it to happen.  Perhaps Little Bill will see fit to throw us that bone yet.  But after the Patriots latest Super Bowl loss to the Giants, we made due with Brady’s words, and Bundchen’s, and we are grateful that they didn’t deny us.

And understand that Bundchen’s words really are Brady’s anyway, further reason not to jump on the Bundchen bash bandwagon.  This nonsense is all Brady.  Anyone who knows football knows that when a quarterback says ‘we just didn’t make enough plays’ what he really means is ‘I played fine.  THEY didn’t make enough plays.’  Say whatever you want about the guy, love him to death if you like, but understand that team players do not sell out their mates, and do not make thinly veiled criticisms like that.

Bundchen is going to say these things and you can’t really nag at her team spirit or anything, because it’s a stratified team, and the Patriots are really a one man gang.  Bundchen is watching the game in a sky box.  She doesn’t associate with the commoners.  It’s not like even Randy Moss calibre guys and their girls are socializing with Tom and Gisele, though we’d have given a few dollars to witness a dinner party with Brady, Bundchen, Moss, and that old gal of Randy’s from Ft. Lauderdale who claims he forced her to digitally stimulate his anus so hard that she broke her finger.,2933,323230,00.html

Do you think Bundchen really uttered those words about her husband not being able to ‘throw and catch the ball’, as though they were her own?  Please.  These are probably the things that they talk about behind closed doors.  Tom says, ‘Yeah so I’m the best and all’ and then Gisele says, ‘You’re the best, baby.’  Then Tom says, ‘and by the way, if we lose, it’s because the team sucks.  Not because I suck.’

Wethinks that conversation was definitely had.  I mean, Gisele is sending out these emails for people to pray and shit…who does that?  She does it, because she is in the war room with him behind closed doors and he is not confident about the game, for obvious reasons, and she knows it.  So let’s all pray for Tom Brady, right?

You know what?  We’re gonna hold off on that.

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Have you been buying those long girlish locks that New England star Tom Brady has been sporting (below)?

You might not, but it appears that Brady himself might soon be making a purchase in that regard–at the insistence of the boss.  No, not Bill Belichik, who has run New England’s evil cheat ridden empire for the last 11 years.  We instead refer to Gisele Bundchen, Brady’s wife and primary play caller.

Reporters from the National Enquirer tracked Brady to the offices of Dr. Robert Leonard, a hair transplant specialist in Rhode Island who has worked on the noggins of several Boston Bruins.

The weekly says Brady went there on orders from the missus.

“Gisele wants to maintain that perfect-couple image – the handsome quarterback with a head full of hair and the stunning model with her own long flowing locks,” the Enquirer reported.

The image obsessed Bundchen, who Brady dumped his 8 months pregnant girlfriend for, actress Briddget Moynahan, is obviously running a very tight ship.  It’s no wonder her former beau Leonardo DiCaprio kicked her to the curb.  But when Brady kicked Moynahan to the curb it created so much acrimony between the pair that the actress barred Brady from the delivery room, and named his son after the team he hates most–Jet (John Edward Thomas).

Whatever will be Monday night in the in-season Superbowl at Foxboro in which the Pats are a 3.5 pt. favorite over our beloved Jets, we can’t thank Gisele enough, and the National Enquirer, for the image in our head of Brady and Zdeno Chara sitting side by side and having their scalps lasered at some Rhode Island hair clinic.


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Randy Moss (above) at last night’s press conference in Foxboro, where he destroyed Vikings’ coach Brad Childress while making sweet verbal love to Patriots’ HC Bill Belichik.

A stunned NFL learned earlier today that all-time great wide receiver and “slouch” Randy Moss was “no longer with the Vikings”, to quote Vikings’ coach Brad Childress, who dropped that bomb on his locker room in a team meeting this afternoon.  Childress, who has enough input into roster moves, it is believed, to pull the trigger on such a move himself, may have done so prior to consulting with Minnesota’s upper management, after Moss flung Childress under the bus last night when he criticized Childress for foolishly going on 4th and goal, and being stopped cold, right before the 1st half ended.

Moss said he’d have loved to have “gotten 3 there” and conjectured that it would have been a different game had the Vikings taken a 13-7 lead into the half.  Moss was absolutely correct in his assessment, though Childress had to hate the public nature of the second guess, and the effusive praise that Moss heaped on Belichik, whom he called “the greatest coach of all time.”

For Childress, the move to cut ties with Moss for criticizing him was highly hypocritical.  Just last week, Childress threw Brett Favre under the bus in the post press conference for turning the ball over.  Childress, who has clearly lost the team, and is now on borrowed time, went ahead and cut Moss, who was just acquired on October 6th from New England for a noteworthy asset–a 3rd round pick in 2011–likely to be a top 80 selection.  Moss’s criticism of the decision to go for it on 4th and goal, while speaking out of school, was right on the money.

To go for on 4th down when losing the ball on downs means you are putting your opponent on their own 2 yard line and asking them to go 98 yards is not such a bad move.  But to go on fourth, and to take the ball out of Favre’s hands when the Patriots have over-stacked the box, and when the Patriots, if they hold, will just run out the clock by taking a knee is completely inscrutable.

As for Moss, judging by his post game remarks, it would seem he is angling for a return to New England, and a reunion with Tom Brady, his bestest boyfriend. 

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