Jimmy Kimmel


1352910431291_Xfinity_DavesOldPorn_1280x640_Overlay_590_295The great David Attell (above), starring in the little known Showtime show, “Dave’s Old Porn.”

When we tuned in to Howard 100 on Wednesday of last week, we weren’t sure the show would even be new, with the show’s seemingly always expanding vacation breaks.  When we heard that it was, we figured it was to be a one day work week, since Howard stopped doing new Thursday shows with his last contract.  So when we tuned in Thursday we were doubly delighted, both at the prospect of a fresh show, and at the very interesting SNL cast member Fred Armisen, who guested, with a new season of Portlandia about to debut.  Armisen meets both major criteria for an excellent guest.  He’s funny and honest.  It made for interesting radio to hear Armisen candidly discuss having to borrow money while in his 30’s from disappointed parents, his failed marriage to Mad Men star Elisabeth Moss (who told a magazine recently that Armisen’s greatest impression and least employed one is that of a “normal person”), his relationship with Lorne Michaels, and how he is a life long Stern fan who, as a boy, would listen to the show in the mornings with his South American mom.

Better still was Armisen’s willingness to do the Wrap Up Show, which, let’s face it, is greatly enhanced by any outside help it can get.  When Armisen was asked to weigh in on Ronnie’s practice of hopping up on the sink and washing his asshole, his genuine discomfort was priceless.  The holidays are a great time to hear recounted by Howard, whether he is complaining about his Christmas gifts (always classic), or describing his disdain for travel and ill ease when on vacation (also classic).  So when Armisen discussed a row boat he had gotten Lorne Michaels as a present which started Howard on a ‘Howard is unappreciated by the staff who’d be nothing without him’ rant, it gave us Howard at his best: angry Howard.  It was also great to hear Armisen back Howard’s belief that going to Italy is stupid, saying that essentially Howard is right when he says that people go away to a foreign place and immediately begin to watch foreign TV while they plan where they can get their familiar tasting coffee, longing for the comforts of home, like of course, “good toilets.”

The show seems to always hum when celebrity guests are fans of the show, which was also the case on Friday–the rarest of indulgences–when super fan Natalie Maines and long time guest Dave Attell, visited the program.  It seems like it was centuries ago when Howard did a Friday show, and that Robin was absent, who often lends a much needed soft balance, actually enhanced the program, for our money.

In part that is a real credit to these guests, Stern show veterans, who don’t need the buffer that Robin sometimes provides to the reticent.  Natalie Maines, who we do not appreciate as an artist, is an absolutely compelling guest, both because of free speech issues and because she is geeked up on the show.  Natalie Maines is a true lesson in the cautionary nature of free speech, vilified for criticizing perhaps the nation’s worst ever president, and though the Dixie Chicks were right and only exercising their 1st amendment right, it’s also true they have never recovered, and will never recover.

Now obviously it isn’t very smart to disrespect a Republican, Texan president when you are essentially a countrified novelty act, alienating a lot of your fan base.  We doubt, for instance, that Eddie Veder or Dave Grohl would have suffered similarly had they have made similar remarks.  The thing about Natalie Maines that one must always respect is her willingness to speak the truth, which remains undiminished despite her career travails.  It was outstanding to hear her criticisms of Lisa G, who we have absolutely no use for, and which were nothing if not true.  Lisa G is awful.  She is a dried up, chaste spinster, a hack, annoying and overly opportunistic but who lacks the talent to justify it.  Shuli’s and some other staffers’ bitterness at Lisa for cashing in on the show with her tea party/cookie party nonsense is totally warranted.  At least the block parties and other comedy tours offer some entertainment value.  We have to say that we have appreciated, in Howard’s quest for brevity, the consolidation of the show’s daily timeline, insofar as it has diminished Lisa’s boring bit.  Consequently, we have been pleased by John Leiberman’s expanding role because he is a good sport who is good for the show, and funny, which Lisa is not.  Does anyone recall Lisa with that put on bit where she considered sleeping with Ronnie?  Absurd.  First off, Lisa is an old maid.  Secondly, Ronnie?  Perhaps the most unattractive person at all of Sirius–impish, old, foul mouthed, uncouth and grotesque.  When Natalie Maines called out Lisa for trying to get Back Office Radio off the air, Lisa, on the spot, said something to the effect of, ‘well, they make fun of me.’  Maine’s response summed up Lisa’s sorry existence perfectly.  She said, “why don’t you take it like a man?”

BTW, Back Office Radio is actually very entertaining, especially as it comes on a day of the week when there’s no other live programming.  And say what you want about Will or Jason, who we normally don’t love but who has grown on us, they are not opportunistic.  They are happy to be there, and as Jason described last week when challenged to put down his pipe, loathe to disappoint Howard.  You don’t see them trying to capitalize on Howard’s name every which way, or combining shameless money grabs with cheap pandering, like the nonsense about having Howard take the picture for the cover of a book.  Was anything at all more transparent?  In truth, we feel that Howard probably feels a bit sorry for Lisa, and so he is willing to let slide some things that he won’t tolerate from others.

After Artie’s departure, we had felt that the show was foundering a little bit, as Howard and Robin regrouped and readjusted to a show that had one less significant contributor.  We worried a bit for the show’s long term prospects, but soon we saw that it was foolish to doubt Howard, and that the show was as good as always.  Though in our opinion, the more is usually the merrier when we are talking about adding funny people to the mix.  We always like when a person we approve of is sitting in, like for example, Jimmy Kimmel, and so we look forward to those few days a year.  As we also do, of course, with the great George Tekkai, and the often great David Arquette, who brings in an interesting dynamic by his inability to not know when to shut up.  We thought that when Shuli sat in for those days this fall that he was funny and wasn’t overbearing, and wondered if he wasn’t maybe on tap to be a low cost replacement in Artie’s chair.  We guess the chemistry was lacking though, because Shuli hasn’t been back.

Of course, we absolutely love Sour Shoes.  His appearances as in house musical talent have been stellar.  Not just his musical talent either, but the voices and quirks, as well as the very interesting history/background, which Howard loves to probe.  The guy basically comes upon nominal contact with a female, has not been on a date since the 90’s, and lapses into baby talk or Bababooey talk while flipping burgers at Wendy’s.  What could be better?  Sour Shoes would provide a lot of bang for minimal buck, which is obviously important to Sirius, which frankly, has seemed to skimp on talent and on the Stern Show, which is why we suspect that Howard is really down to 3 days a week.  Howard was adamant last year that he had not and would not accept a pay cut, and technically, a reduced schedule at the same rate does not constitute one.  We can also tell that the entire show really appreciates Sour Shoes’ presence there.  To hear Fred be so complimentary of Sour Shoes, or Sal just gush about him, really tells us that he is not only valued but has the right chemistry for the gig.  It’s a shame that Sirius has created acrimony with Howard, denying him his bonus, denying Fred and his daughter access to the One Direction concert, when obviously Fred is not the type to make untoward demands of his employers.  Gary recently talked about how when they all got to Sirius, there was a lot of good will, promise, and optimism, and that “now it’s long gone.”  We really hope Howard is there for a long time to come, but also feel that Howard and his people, that talent in general, needs to be respected, honored, and paid accordingly, and we’ve seen a trend away from that, with Howard being a prime example of management’s lack of respect for talent (another obvious example would be the very despicable NHL lockout).

Below is a link to the uber talented Sour Shoes in another radio appearance, this time with Mike Francesa.  Take a look:

Friday’s other guest, Dave Attell, one of the flat out funniest dark comics anywhere, would be an amazing, if higher profile and more expensive option.  It was great to hear Attell, whom we’ve always loved, and it was also excellent to hear Attell and Howard talk, uninterrupted by Robin, who does not need to play buffer for a comedic genius like Attell.  As great as Howard is mad, he is also great when he takes a fatherly tone with people, in a sort of advisory capacity, as he often does with Sal, as he did with Jason about cannabis, and as he did with Attell regarding his career and finances.  We have to apologize to Attell, as even as big fans of his, we were unaware of his Dave’s Old Porn, which we’ve now quickly sought to become acquainted with.  Whether Attell is joking about his masturbation frequency or methods (‘on an old IBM mission control’), discussing his discomfort with first class flying, citing a “certain level of douchebaggery” among first class travelers, or just being candid about his life and the state of comedy, we were enthralled.  As huge Doug Stanhope fans, we were very interested to hear Attell tell us that Stanhope, and another favorite, Louis CK, are the best in the business.  We also thought it extremely humble of Attell, a comedy lifer, to critique his own comedy, saying that he’s definitely “not great, could be better.”  It too was nice to hear him say nice things about Kathy Griffin, another favorite of ours.

We know that Attell would be a perfect fit on the show in a permanent role, and in fact, would enhance an already great product tremendously.  With Attell traveling with Artie (“The Anti Social Comedy Tour”) though, and so humble and careful not to offend fellow comics, we aren’t sure how comfortable he’d be with what could be perceived by some as taking Artie’s job, though he’d have to be comfortable with the pay, especially since he is losing money on Showtime.  And let’s face it.  Artie has obviously moved on with another national radio show, and it would be very petty of him to stand in the away of Attell, who, frankly is a much better comic than Artie, no disrespect, whether off the cuff or as a standup.  Especially since Artie has no one to blame but himself that he no longer works on the greatest radio show in history.

We’ll conclude with a kind word for Jason and his bid to go straight for a month without herb.  Your predicament has inspired me to do the same, and I too, will have a party when my time is through.

In Solidarity,

Crack (https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com)

The very funny Artie Lange (above).

Artie Lange, veteran comedian and former regular on The Howard Stern Program, delighted Comedy Cellar audiences in New York City recently by performing impromptu in his unexpected return to the stage.

Howard Stern‘s troubled sidekick Artie Lange returned to stand-up with a triumphant, surprise appearance at the Comedy Cellar over the weekend — his first since his grisly suicide attempt in January.

“He had a great line when he opened the show,” comic Craig Gass told The Post’s Mandy Stadtmiller. “He said, ‘Well, folks, I gotta say I am so glad that Fashion Week is over because I am [bleep]ing exhausted.’ ”

The audience gave the schlumpy 42-year-old comedian a deafening ovation during the two midnight shows he played on Friday and Saturday, following Chris Tucker one night.

http://www.nypost.com/p/pagesix/artie_makes_em_laugh_again_hF2ISlKH5T7RmneYJHwQwJ

Could there be any better news for Artie fans who have no doubt agonized over the comedian’s troubled plight this past year, which included a suicide attempt?  Well, there could be, but we shouldn’t hold our breaths if we are waiting for Artie’s return to Howard’s show on Sirius XM satellite radio.

Howard has hinted to the audience that an Artie return is not in the cards, and has brushed off callers who have inquired about Artie’s well being of late, usually claiming that he “doesn’t know” how Artie is or how he is doing.  On the Wrap Up Show, producer Gary Dell’Abate recently mentioned that Artie has made overtures to him about coming in as a guest, and that likely isn’t going to happen anytime soon, if ever.

I understand that the Stern staff still feels the weighty burden from worrying about Artie’s health and psyche on a constant basis, and has been troubled by the pandora’s box that an Artie return engagement, or even visit, would open.  But Gary and Howard have been a bit flip in this regard.  Gary especially, who has sort of joked around with Wrap Up Show callers inquiring about Artie–at Artie’s expense.

Gary should recall that Artie took Gary on a USO tour a few years back to Afghanistan, despite Gary having no discernible performing talents, which advanced Gary’s career and did little for the magnanimous Lange.

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/09/04/robert-schimmel-60/

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/07/14/stamos-denies-affair-with-17-year-old/

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/06/15/kathy-griffins-life-on-the-d-list-returns-tonight-to-bravo/

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/06/11/southwick-od-now-called-suicide-try/

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/06/09/shawn-southwick-larry-kings-wife-overdoses-hear-southwick-on-howard/

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/05/21/kimmel-tells-howard-on-hollywood-party-most-refined-group-of-people-at-my-house-ever/

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/05/21/stamos-to-robin-do-you-have-to-back-howard-up-on-everything/

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/05/17/howard-on-trip-to-la-crazy-town/

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/05/15/crack-beth-o-book-probably-sucks/

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/05/12/willie-nelson-tells-howard-he-uses-vaporizer-instead-of-smoking-marijuana/

Though Artie might not be appearing on Howard’s show anytime soon, J.D. Harmeyer, who pulls tape for Howard, also travels with Artie as part of his road crew on weekends, and video tapes his shows.  If Artie is getting up on stage at the Comedy Cellar, it can’t be too long before he is scheduling gigs.  If Harmeyer is still to serve Artie in the same capacity, Artie will likely become a very hot topic for Howard in absentia by nature of J.D.’s frequent on air appearances.

–Crack (https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com, www.crackbillionair.com)

John Stamos (above).

John Stamos’ lawyers denied today that Stamos had an affair with 17 year old Alison Coss in 2004, who is on trial along with Scott Sippola for attempting to extort $680,000 from the actor so that they would not release pictures of Stamos partying with strippers and cocaine.

In opening statements, defense lawyer Sarah Henderson claimed Stamos and Coss had a romantic fling when she was just 17.

Stamos’ lawyer issued a statement denying it. On the stand, Stamos described his encounter with Coss as “just hanging out” and “socializing” with her and others in a hotel.

He said he and Coss continued a “flirty,” but “friendly” e-mail exchange afterwards.

“It was all very sweet. I considered her a friend,” he said.

That’s a far cry from scene described by Henderson, who said Stamos and Coss kissed and had a partially nude romp in a hot tub before he offered to perform oral sex on her – which she declined.

In Florida, it is a second-degree felony for someone older than 24 to perform oral sex on anyone 17-years-old or younger.

http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2010/07/13/2010-07-13_lawyer_denies_john_stamos_had_romantic_fling_with_underage_girl_who_later_extort.html

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/07/13/real-housewives-of-njs-teresa-to-danielle-you-are-a-coke-fucking-whore/

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/06/03/cocaine-users-face-risk-of-skin-rot-weakened-immuned-systems/

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/05/21/stamos-to-robin-do-you-have-to-back-howard-up-on-everything/

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/05/21/kimmel-tells-howard-on-hollywood-party-most-refined-group-of-people-at-my-house-ever/

We’ll keep an eye on this for you.

–Crack (https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com)

Howard is having a great week.  His Sirius XM Howard Stern Show radio audience was treated to not one, but three guests from Jimmy Kimmel’s now infamous Hollywood house party, including Kimmel himself, who killed.  To recap Kimmel’s long in studio appearance, we’ll condense his remarks on the celebrity bash, by paraphrasing his most startling comments:

  • John Stamos and Mark McGrath were beefing at the party because Stamos challenged McGrath for not taking more of a leadership role in Kimmel’s band room, where Howard jammed with David Arquette, Ashton Kutcher, and Kimmel, who plays harmonica.
  • John Stamos is afraid of midgets and was uncomfortable when Kimmel sent the midget band “Minikiss” into his dressing room when a guest of Kimmel’s television show.

Read more about Stamos, who appeared via telephone on Howard’s show Thursday:

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/05/21/stamos-to-robin-do-you-have-to-back-howard-up-on-everything/

  • Johnny Knoxville showed up at the party with homemade moonshine in a mason jar, made by one of his cousins.  Many people sipped moonshine from the mason jar, including Beth O (good for you, Beth!)
  • Demi Moore and Courtney Cox were there with their husbands, and watched the above mentioned foursome play, which included Howard on guitar for a rendition of Louie Louie.
  • Rickles wasn’t the only comedian snubbed.  Howard 101 host but fine comedian Greg Fitzsimmons was invited to the party, though Howard did not take notice of him there.
  • Survivor host Jeff Probst was uncomfortable at the party because Howard was goofing on him.

Howard said of Probst that he went over to talk to the Survivor host and his new girlfriend, and began interrogating them about their relationship.  Howard asked the couple if they had said “I love you” yet to each other, and that they both became “beet red.”  Then Howard said, “would anyone like to say I love you now then?”  Probst told Howard that his girlfriend had 2 children to which Howard replied, “Woe…is that really cool?”

Probst, who rearranged his schedule to attend the bash, said he didn’t like the interrogation, and had postponed travel plans to make the party.  He had to fly to New York on a red eye on Saturday morning.

Kimmel also took flack for ranking Fred last in popularity among Stern show personalities, saying that Fred is given too much credit for his intelligence, and that people are afraid to challenge him even though sometimes he is wrong.  Jimmy also took issue with Robin, who said earlier in the week that Kimmel was close in age to the 60 year old Quivers.

“Robin, how old do you think I am?  I’m 42 years old!”  Kimmel said.

Christa Miller (above), and her husband, Scrubs and Cougar Town producer Bill Lawrence also attended Kimmel’s party.  Miller called in the Stern show this week as well.

–Crack (https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com)

It’s always interesting when John Stamos appears on Sirius XM’s Howard Stern Show, and today was no different.  Howard did a phone interview with Stamos, his long time friend, who was in California.  The topics?  Stamos love life, Howard’s recent trip to Los Angeles, and a controversial “Hollywood” party thrown for Howard by funnyman Jimmy Kimmel.

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/05/17/howard-on-trip-to-la-crazy-town/

Howard took issue with Stamos’ actions regarding comedy legend Don Rickles, who despite thinking he was close to Kimmel, was not invited to the party in Howard’s honor.  Howard said that Stamos made Kimmel feel bad over the Rickles snub, and implied that Kimmel is now obsessing over it.  Stamos told Howard he wanted Kimmel to know that Rickles was going to ‘hammer him on the air’ for the snub, when Rickles appears on Kimmel’s show next week.  Howard also said that Rickles and Kimmel aren’t friends, but Stamos assured them they were good friends.  At that point, Robin broke in and said, “so does that mean Jimmy has to invite Rickles to everything?”

Stamos then said, “Robin, do you have to back up Howard on everything?”

Howard criticized Stamos’ party ettiquette, and repeatedly said that Stamos doesn’t like when small time celebrities or people “who aren’t good looking enough” are at parties, and said that Stamos was angry at Kimmel for inviting Survivor host Jeff Probst, who Howard announced that Stamos doesn’t like, and doesn’t consider a star.  Stamos backtracked laughing, and said that Probst was “my guy” and that the two work out together regularly.

The conversation then turned to Stamos’ girlfriend, who Howard described glowingly, and then battered Stamos in true Howard Stern fashion about the state of their relationship.  Howard asked, “are you guys exclusive?”‘ and Stamos replied with a non answer, saying that she was “the nicest, sweetest person in the world.” 

Howard responded, “I think you overdosed on pussy.  A regular guy would never let that girl out of his sight.  At what point do you settle down?”

Stamos said that he was almost 50 and wanted a family and kids, but that he needed to take some time off and “figure out what’s wrong with me.”  Howard then told a story about when he told Stamos he was seeing Beth, and Stamos supposedly replied, “you know she’s not the one, right?  She’s not gonna be the last one.”

Stamos: “I never said that (laughing).”

Robin, Fred and Gary all chimed in, telling Stamos that to be in love takes a little work, and Gary recalled a story about when John Stamos took him on a tour of the set of ER.  Gary said that on the tour, every woman Stamos introduced him to he classified by the way Stamos’ spoke of them.  “If John said she was nice, that meant he slept with her.  If he had some sort of problem with her, she wouldn’t sleep with him.”

Stamos cut off Gary by saying, “aren’t you staying at my house this weekend?”

Then Fred and Stamos argued about love and relationships, and Stamos told Fred to “shut up” and that Fred always hammers him, citing Fred’s opinion that Rebecca Romijn, Stamos’ ex, was not a super model.  Howard said that Fred was worried that Stamos might sleep with his daughter some day, and Fred said “absa-fucking-lutely not.  I’d break his knee caps.”

Stamos replied, “I’d like to see you try.”  Howard then mentioned that John Stamos was a black belt in martial arts.

Stamos is a wildly entertaining guest who has an excellent rapport with Howard.  His appearances on the show are a highlight.  In past interviews, Stamos revealed that he and Howard smoked weed together, and that when he was married to Rebecca, Howard, Beth, Rebecca, and himself had all stripped down to their underwear after a night out in Manhattan.

Once again, Howard treated the faithful to excellent radio.

–Crack (https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com)