John Stamos

The very funny Artie Lange (above).

Artie Lange, veteran comedian and former regular on The Howard Stern Program, delighted Comedy Cellar audiences in New York City recently by performing impromptu in his unexpected return to the stage.

Howard Stern‘s troubled sidekick Artie Lange returned to stand-up with a triumphant, surprise appearance at the Comedy Cellar over the weekend — his first since his grisly suicide attempt in January.

“He had a great line when he opened the show,” comic Craig Gass told The Post’s Mandy Stadtmiller. “He said, ‘Well, folks, I gotta say I am so glad that Fashion Week is over because I am [bleep]ing exhausted.’ ”

The audience gave the schlumpy 42-year-old comedian a deafening ovation during the two midnight shows he played on Friday and Saturday, following Chris Tucker one night.

Could there be any better news for Artie fans who have no doubt agonized over the comedian’s troubled plight this past year, which included a suicide attempt?  Well, there could be, but we shouldn’t hold our breaths if we are waiting for Artie’s return to Howard’s show on Sirius XM satellite radio.

Howard has hinted to the audience that an Artie return is not in the cards, and has brushed off callers who have inquired about Artie’s well being of late, usually claiming that he “doesn’t know” how Artie is or how he is doing.  On the Wrap Up Show, producer Gary Dell’Abate recently mentioned that Artie has made overtures to him about coming in as a guest, and that likely isn’t going to happen anytime soon, if ever.

I understand that the Stern staff still feels the weighty burden from worrying about Artie’s health and psyche on a constant basis, and has been troubled by the pandora’s box that an Artie return engagement, or even visit, would open.  But Gary and Howard have been a bit flip in this regard.  Gary especially, who has sort of joked around with Wrap Up Show callers inquiring about Artie–at Artie’s expense.

Gary should recall that Artie took Gary on a USO tour a few years back to Afghanistan, despite Gary having no discernible performing talents, which advanced Gary’s career and did little for the magnanimous Lange.

Though Artie might not be appearing on Howard’s show anytime soon, J.D. Harmeyer, who pulls tape for Howard, also travels with Artie as part of his road crew on weekends, and video tapes his shows.  If Artie is getting up on stage at the Comedy Cellar, it can’t be too long before he is scheduling gigs.  If Harmeyer is still to serve Artie in the same capacity, Artie will likely become a very hot topic for Howard in absentia by nature of J.D.’s frequent on air appearances.

–Crack (,

John Stamos (above).

John Stamos’ lawyers denied today that Stamos had an affair with 17 year old Alison Coss in 2004, who is on trial along with Scott Sippola for attempting to extort $680,000 from the actor so that they would not release pictures of Stamos partying with strippers and cocaine.

In opening statements, defense lawyer Sarah Henderson claimed Stamos and Coss had a romantic fling when she was just 17.

Stamos’ lawyer issued a statement denying it. On the stand, Stamos described his encounter with Coss as “just hanging out” and “socializing” with her and others in a hotel.

He said he and Coss continued a “flirty,” but “friendly” e-mail exchange afterwards.

“It was all very sweet. I considered her a friend,” he said.

That’s a far cry from scene described by Henderson, who said Stamos and Coss kissed and had a partially nude romp in a hot tub before he offered to perform oral sex on her – which she declined.

In Florida, it is a second-degree felony for someone older than 24 to perform oral sex on anyone 17-years-old or younger.

We’ll keep an eye on this for you.

–Crack (

Howard is having a great week.  His Sirius XM Howard Stern Show radio audience was treated to not one, but three guests from Jimmy Kimmel’s now infamous Hollywood house party, including Kimmel himself, who killed.  To recap Kimmel’s long in studio appearance, we’ll condense his remarks on the celebrity bash, by paraphrasing his most startling comments:

  • John Stamos and Mark McGrath were beefing at the party because Stamos challenged McGrath for not taking more of a leadership role in Kimmel’s band room, where Howard jammed with David Arquette, Ashton Kutcher, and Kimmel, who plays harmonica.
  • John Stamos is afraid of midgets and was uncomfortable when Kimmel sent the midget band “Minikiss” into his dressing room when a guest of Kimmel’s television show.

Read more about Stamos, who appeared via telephone on Howard’s show Thursday:

  • Johnny Knoxville showed up at the party with homemade moonshine in a mason jar, made by one of his cousins.  Many people sipped moonshine from the mason jar, including Beth O (good for you, Beth!)
  • Demi Moore and Courtney Cox were there with their husbands, and watched the above mentioned foursome play, which included Howard on guitar for a rendition of Louie Louie.
  • Rickles wasn’t the only comedian snubbed.  Howard 101 host but fine comedian Greg Fitzsimmons was invited to the party, though Howard did not take notice of him there.
  • Survivor host Jeff Probst was uncomfortable at the party because Howard was goofing on him.

Howard said of Probst that he went over to talk to the Survivor host and his new girlfriend, and began interrogating them about their relationship.  Howard asked the couple if they had said “I love you” yet to each other, and that they both became “beet red.”  Then Howard said, “would anyone like to say I love you now then?”  Probst told Howard that his girlfriend had 2 children to which Howard replied, “Woe…is that really cool?”

Probst, who rearranged his schedule to attend the bash, said he didn’t like the interrogation, and had postponed travel plans to make the party.  He had to fly to New York on a red eye on Saturday morning.

Kimmel also took flack for ranking Fred last in popularity among Stern show personalities, saying that Fred is given too much credit for his intelligence, and that people are afraid to challenge him even though sometimes he is wrong.  Jimmy also took issue with Robin, who said earlier in the week that Kimmel was close in age to the 60 year old Quivers.

“Robin, how old do you think I am?  I’m 42 years old!”  Kimmel said.

Christa Miller (above), and her husband, Scrubs and Cougar Town producer Bill Lawrence also attended Kimmel’s party.  Miller called in the Stern show this week as well.

–Crack (

It’s always interesting when John Stamos appears on Sirius XM’s Howard Stern Show, and today was no different.  Howard did a phone interview with Stamos, his long time friend, who was in California.  The topics?  Stamos love life, Howard’s recent trip to Los Angeles, and a controversial “Hollywood” party thrown for Howard by funnyman Jimmy Kimmel.

Howard took issue with Stamos’ actions regarding comedy legend Don Rickles, who despite thinking he was close to Kimmel, was not invited to the party in Howard’s honor.  Howard said that Stamos made Kimmel feel bad over the Rickles snub, and implied that Kimmel is now obsessing over it.  Stamos told Howard he wanted Kimmel to know that Rickles was going to ‘hammer him on the air’ for the snub, when Rickles appears on Kimmel’s show next week.  Howard also said that Rickles and Kimmel aren’t friends, but Stamos assured them they were good friends.  At that point, Robin broke in and said, “so does that mean Jimmy has to invite Rickles to everything?”

Stamos then said, “Robin, do you have to back up Howard on everything?”

Howard criticized Stamos’ party ettiquette, and repeatedly said that Stamos doesn’t like when small time celebrities or people “who aren’t good looking enough” are at parties, and said that Stamos was angry at Kimmel for inviting Survivor host Jeff Probst, who Howard announced that Stamos doesn’t like, and doesn’t consider a star.  Stamos backtracked laughing, and said that Probst was “my guy” and that the two work out together regularly.

The conversation then turned to Stamos’ girlfriend, who Howard described glowingly, and then battered Stamos in true Howard Stern fashion about the state of their relationship.  Howard asked, “are you guys exclusive?”‘ and Stamos replied with a non answer, saying that she was “the nicest, sweetest person in the world.” 

Howard responded, “I think you overdosed on pussy.  A regular guy would never let that girl out of his sight.  At what point do you settle down?”

Stamos said that he was almost 50 and wanted a family and kids, but that he needed to take some time off and “figure out what’s wrong with me.”  Howard then told a story about when he told Stamos he was seeing Beth, and Stamos supposedly replied, “you know she’s not the one, right?  She’s not gonna be the last one.”

Stamos: “I never said that (laughing).”

Robin, Fred and Gary all chimed in, telling Stamos that to be in love takes a little work, and Gary recalled a story about when John Stamos took him on a tour of the set of ER.  Gary said that on the tour, every woman Stamos introduced him to he classified by the way Stamos’ spoke of them.  “If John said she was nice, that meant he slept with her.  If he had some sort of problem with her, she wouldn’t sleep with him.”

Stamos cut off Gary by saying, “aren’t you staying at my house this weekend?”

Then Fred and Stamos argued about love and relationships, and Stamos told Fred to “shut up” and that Fred always hammers him, citing Fred’s opinion that Rebecca Romijn, Stamos’ ex, was not a super model.  Howard said that Fred was worried that Stamos might sleep with his daughter some day, and Fred said “absa-fucking-lutely not.  I’d break his knee caps.”

Stamos replied, “I’d like to see you try.”  Howard then mentioned that John Stamos was a black belt in martial arts.

Stamos is a wildly entertaining guest who has an excellent rapport with Howard.  His appearances on the show are a highlight.  In past interviews, Stamos revealed that he and Howard smoked weed together, and that when he was married to Rebecca, Howard, Beth, Rebecca, and himself had all stripped down to their underwear after a night out in Manhattan.

Once again, Howard treated the faithful to excellent radio.

–Crack (