Showtime


10:30 PM EST, SHOWTIME…

Deceased comedian Robert Schimmel (above).

Bob Schimmel, Bronx native, cancer survivor, and the son of Holocaust survivors, is dead today after sustaining life threatening injuries last night in a Phoenix car accident.

Schimmel, 60, was a passenger in his 19-year-old daughter’s car on August 26 when she lost control after swerving to avoid another accident on a Phoenix highway. The daughter was hospitalized, but is expected to recover. Schimmel’s 11-year-old son was also a passenger in the car and was uninjured, according to media reports.

The actor was best known for his radio work on “The Howard Stern Show” and had appeared on several HBO programs, including his own special, “Unprotected.”

Schimmel had a heart attack in 1998 and in 2000 was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma, from which he recovered. He later wrote a book about his treatment called “Cancer on $5 a Day.” He lost his son Derek to leukemia at age 11.

http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/wireStory?id=11560325

This is truly sad news.  We had just learned last week from Sirius XM’s The Howard Stern Program that Schimmel had moved to Arizona to help care for his elderly parents, and we looked forward to an upcoming telephone appearance in which he was set to explain the current state of his life to Howard.

If you are unfamiliar with Schimmel’s brand of hilarious, filthy humor, here’s a little “taste”:

Robert Schimmel remembered the day that Barry Diller resigned from 20th-Century Fox in 1992.

“That night, I did a big industry showcase in L.A. where you go on in front of everybody–ABC, CBS, NBC, Disney, Sony, Warner, Fox,” he said. “And my opening line was, ‘I have such bad timing in this business. I blew Barry Diller last night.'”

Mr. Schimmel waited a beat. “Well, my agent came over to me and he said, ‘Are you out of your fucking mind?’ I said, ‘Why?’

“‘Because the guy can make a phone call and I won’t even be in show business anymore. Blow someone else!'” Mr. Schimmel’s agent said, adding that if Mr. Diller “finds out, he’s going to go nuts!”

“I said why would he go nuts?” Mr. Schimmel recalled. “I’m blowing him !”

http://www.observer.com/node/42221

And no one should go without seeing Schimmel’s latest special, in which he detailed his life since being diagnosed with cancer, and dished candidly on his divorce and new marriage to his daughter’s friend, Life Since Then.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r4HcWnGW9wI&feature=related (Schimmel performing @ Dangerfield’s)

Sadly,

Crack (https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com, www.crackbillionair.com)

January Jones (top), Jennifer Aniston (middle), and Jason Sudeikis (bottom).

In recent weeks, both Jennifer Aniston and Mad Men star January Jones have been linked to Saturday Night Live performer Jason Sudeikis, but it is Jones who continues to be seen in public with Sudeikis, who she reportedly was all over at the recent ESPY awards.  These reports coming just a few weeks after Jones left the scene of an accident in Los
Angeles at the behest of Bobby Flay, and it has been whispered that Jones left the scene of the accident because she was drunk.

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/06/13/january-jones-seeing-chef-bobby-flay/

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/06/12/january-jones-in-4-car-crash-thursday-night-fleeing-paparazzi-nipple-shot/

It also comes just weeks after many magazines prominently linked the 34 year old Sudeikis with 41 year old Jennifer Aniston, after the two seemed to get very close after working in film together.  One report went so far as to say that Aniston forced Sudeikis on a studio intent on signing her to play the lead in an upcoming film, and that Sudeikis was given the leading man role opposite Aniston.

January Jones and Saturday Night Live‘s Jason Sudeikis may be Hollywood’s newest item.

Reports surfaced that that the Mad Men star, 32, and Sudeikis, 34, were making out all night at an ESPY after party and spending a lot of time together on the set of Sudeikis’s new movie. Thursday, the maybe-duo was spotted hanging out again.

Sudeikis, who in June was briefly linked to Jennifer Aniston, recently divorced his wife of six years, 30 Rock writer Kay Cannon. Jones has been recently linked to Entourage‘s Jeremy Piven and to Oscar winner Adrien Brody.

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20402671,00.html

More on Aniston-Sudeikis:

Move over Gerard Butler and Bradley Cooper, Jason Sudeikis is Jennifer Aniston‘s latest rumored beau! The Saturday Night Live star is now being linked to his Bounty Hunter costar. According to gossip website PerezHilton.com, a source claims the two have been on a few secret dates and “are enjoying taking things to the next level.” 

According to the source, “he is just what Jen needs — a solid, low-key, funny man. It’s early days, but she’s quietly thrilled.” An insider alleges that Aniston, 41, provided comfort to Sudeikis, 34, in the wake of his divorce from 30 Rock scribe Kay Cannon and that the two didn’t start seeing one another until the filming of their movie was over and his divorce was finalized.

http://www.ivillage.com/jennifer-aniston-dating-snls-jason-sudeikis/1-a-210829

Let’s give a hand to Sudeikis, obviously a fast worker, who seemed to bag January Jones and Jennifer Aniston this year–way to go, stud.  For those of you who do not watch movies or Saturday Night Live, you may know Sudeikis as Liz Lemon’s ex boyfriend on 30 Rock, the one who proposed to his new girlfriend on Good Morning America.

As for January Jones, she reprises her award winning role as Betty Draper in the season 4 premiere of Mad Men, Sunday at 10 PM EST on AMC.  Read about Mad Men and the lovely ladies of Mad Men at the links below.

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/07/06/mad-men-christina-hendricks-this-months-cover-of-health-magazine/

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/07/05/mad-men-season-1-marathon-8-pm-est-amc/

http://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/06/04/esquire-picked-scarlett-over-christina-for-may-cover-lady-pics/

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/06/03/battle-of-the-moolighting-mad-men-wives-alison-brie-versus-peyton-list-picture-show/

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/04/21/mad-men-rubicon-set-for-725-premieres/

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/04/20/mad-men-half-dead/

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/04/16/my-old-kentucky-home/

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/03/17/sal-romano-we-hardly-knew-ye/

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/03/22/tara-jackie-and-joannie-holloway/

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/05/12/community-jeff-and-britta-do-the-deed-finally/

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/06/01/community-finale-winger-chooses-door-3/

Can’t wait for season 4, episode 1 (# 53), entitled “Public Relations”…

–Crack (https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com)

 

The New L Word, or The Real L Word, or The New Real L Word…whatever combination of words Showtime has used to go back to their lesbian well of programming to re-capitalize on the dead horse that is the alternative lifestyle, lacks compelling characters, interesting interaction, and worst of all, lacks pretty women.  In their place we are left to watch a mean bitch named Mikey (so cliche), a dread headed Whitney who kisses all the girls and then wonders why they are all crying, and Rose, a newly monogamous lesbian with Cindy Crawford like moles on her face, who isn’t really all that monogamous after all.

Most foul probably is Mikey (above), who seems to curse for the hell of it, even in her professional environment.  In the premiere, she went on a fucking tirade, no pun intended, because models were showing up to her studio, even though one of her employees called the modelling agency asking for models.  Mikey, doing some sort of casting for LA’s fashion week, made her assistant call the head of the modelling agency, and her assistant was like ‘please hold for Mikey’, like she’s Obama or something.  Then Mikey is told over the phone that her own employee requested the models, and Mikey, who looked stupid, launched into a profanity laced tirade on the phone, burned a bridge, and then kicked all of these models out of her studio, citing their ‘bad attitudes’, even though none of them had any attitude at all, and were just there to find work.  One of the models, a black dude, Mikey identified as “definitely having runway experience.”  How’d she know that?  She had a hunch, and a second later, her hunch was proved wrong.

I’m not sure exactly what this scene was supposed to illustrate, but I came away from it with this bit of knowledge: Mikey is a really mean, inappropriate person.  The ultra “tough” lesbian.  That can’t be the ballyhooed message that almost a year of Showtime promos has been trying to direct us toward, can it?

But at least Mikey has nice tattoos.  We jest.  In fact, she has the ultimate lesbian full arm and shoulder tag, like some of her co-stars, which is at best, an eye sore.  Looking at Mikey might make you think of Ellen Degeneres, plus ink, minus jokes.

Whitney (above) and her dreads, and her story, which is that of the heart breaker, who has now fallen for some girl from San Francisco, even though she is picking up new girls the next minute, and fighting with old girls the next, projects the image of an unevolved lothario who needs some really fat, ugly lesbian friends to comfort her and tell her why she has so many relationship problems, even though, the answers are painfully obvious.  And why do these lesbians have to pronounce the name Sara–that’s Sar-uh–Sa Da?

I read Linda Stasi’s column on the new program in the New York Post, called “L’ of a Show”, which only reaffirmed my opinion that Stasi doesn’t know television, and that she has an odd fascination with the boring, and an obvious preoccupation with calling women pretty who aren’t.  Here’s some of her comments:

So, yes, this new series, which features some of the most naturally beautiful women on any reality show, does include naked, X-rated lesbian sex. And yes, there are perfectly perfect naked lesbians cavorting about, which is sure to guarantee a big male audience.

But what these high-powered, compelling LA ladies have is a genuineness that is lacking on the hideous, phony “Real Housewives” shows.

http://www.nypost.com/p/entertainment/tv/word_is_out_on_la_lesbians_uf262mjtoNT245vxBNyFiI

Oh no she didn’t just diss my housewives!  What about the naked women, sex, and naturally beautiful women?  Do they debut in episode 2 or somewhere down the line? 

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/06/08/real-housewives-of-nj-danielles-latest-sex-tape-soon-to-be-released/

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/05/28/real-mob-wives-of-new-jersey/

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/06/08/real-housewives-of-nj-teresa-and-joe-declare-bankruptcy/

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/06/08/real-housewives-of-nj-is-teresas-bankruptcy-a-cover-for-ill-gotten-gains/

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/06/09/real-housewives-of-nj-see-bankrupt-teresas-new-maserati/

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/06/04/mob-housewives-of-nj-v-for-vendetta/

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/06/04/rhnyc-sonja-morgan-mugshot-see-it/

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/06/03/rhnycs-kelly-systematic-bullying-is-never-okay-see-video/

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/05/26/rhnycs-kelly-nervous-breakthrough-not-nervous-breakdown/

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/05/22/rhnyc-kelly-flips-out-video-clip-bikini-shot/

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/05/15/rhnyc-kelly-says-amazing-a-lot-video/

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/05/15/real-housewives-nyc-countess-luann-sings-badly-video/

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/05/10/real-housewives-of-nyc-jill-wrong-again/

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/04/30/real-housewives-getting-ugly-literally-and-figuratively/

I can be known to watch a program very closely that features beautiful, naked women.  But I didn’t see any.  None were beautiful or naked.  There was no sex.  And as for high powered women?  All I saw was the evil Mikey.  I took no note of any of the other real lesbians’ professions, and as for their hobbies?

They drink at a local gay bar, gossip, create drama by flirting and hooking up with each other’s women, and then cry about it and conference in other lesbians on phone calls where they discuss how they should handle all the drama that they themselves sought.

Stasi describes some of these lesbians in glowing terms:

They include special effects artist Whitney, a Rasta-haired chick magnet, who’s never met a woman she didn’t love — or want to jump. TV and film executive, Tracy, 28, an even more beautiful version of Hilary Swank, is someone who’s just gotten into a committed relationship with a woman with three little kids.

An “even more beautiful version of Hilary Swank”?  Gosh.  Excuse me while drop trou.  Is it me, or does Stasi want in the mix here?  Or maybe The Post owns Showtime now?

I work in Park Slope, Brooklyn, which probably has a higher lesbian population than LA’s small lesbian scene, which the show’s lesbians continually tout as being so small.  All jokes about Cynthia Nixon and her boyfriend aside.  I feel these LA lesbians could be more real.  They could care about real things that go beyond their self absorbed personas.  Park Slope is a neighborhood of activists who helped beautify and restore the historic and formerly depressed neighborhood, and who help raise money for various other causes.  They don’t all have ink running up into their hands, and they aren’t all possessed by sex–the sex that we did not see in episode one, called “The Power of the Clam.”

Alright, that was clever.  But that was about it.


Be a Critic,

Crack (https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com)