Tom Brady


Tom and Gisele (above).  Don’t worry, Boston fans, we hate it as much as you do or more when Brady wears his Yankees cap.

So on Sunday evening Gisele Bundchen ripped into the New England Patriot receivers, as portrayed in the video above.  So what?  Is she a bad person?  Who knows?  I mean, she did arguably break up Brady and Bridget Moynahan, when Moynahan was like 8 months pregnant and whatnot, and Moynahan was a tad pissed.  So much so, that she decided to name her impending arrival with the acronym Brady hates the most:  JET (John Edward Thomas).  And Moynahan barred Brady from the birthing room and hates his guts to this day and always has, blah blah blah.

I hate to say so, but he is Tom Brady, one of the best quarterbacks to ever live.  All the normal people rules we are encumbered with, and some morals perhaps, do not bog down a guy like Tom Terrific.  Nor Gisele Bundchen for that matter.  This is like a Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie deal.  The biggest NFL star decided to trade up to a hotter piece of ass.  Sure many a big name star, male, female, whatever, would never think to do such a thing.  Sure.  But they can.  If they opt to do so, it’s done.  Survival of the hottest, the fittest, the best looking, the tallest, the richest, and on and on and on.

We can’t kill her for that and we can’t kill Tom either.  Who knows?  Maybe Moynahan is so annoying that Tom was playing for the out all along.  Or maybe the Bundchen sex is just that good.  At least some good came of it all:  Brady’s kid is named Jet.  And that’s priceless.

It was beginning to look like for a long time that would be the greatest pleasure that Brady would allow the Brady haters.  Then Bernard Pollard put that hit on Tom’s knee, causing him to miss almost a full season, and we were giddy, thinking he might be done for.  But Tom is just that good.  Other guys might not have come back as strong, or at all, and here comes Brady back, setting records and making Super Bowls.

Thank the Lord almighty that he has been losing them.  Losing to the Giants 17-14 a few years back and devastating the perfect season was a bounty, for sure.  Oh, the press conferences!  Nothing at all quite like hearing Tom Brady whine.  Let me turn you on to this, please, if you are unaware.  When the Brady haters have the great fortune of the Patriots losing a game, as rare as that may be, they should go to the Patriots website and watch the Brady press conference, and for that matter, the Belichik one too.

Now that’s entertainment.  Seems like an oxymoron, Belichik and entertainment, but trust me nontheless.  It’s such a hot ticket must see that I still have my TV tuned in to NBC waiting for it to happen.  Perhaps Little Bill will see fit to throw us that bone yet.  But after the Patriots latest Super Bowl loss to the Giants, we made due with Brady’s words, and Bundchen’s, and we are grateful that they didn’t deny us.

And understand that Bundchen’s words really are Brady’s anyway, further reason not to jump on the Bundchen bash bandwagon.  This nonsense is all Brady.  Anyone who knows football knows that when a quarterback says ‘we just didn’t make enough plays’ what he really means is ‘I played fine.  THEY didn’t make enough plays.’  Say whatever you want about the guy, love him to death if you like, but understand that team players do not sell out their mates, and do not make thinly veiled criticisms like that.

Bundchen is going to say these things and you can’t really nag at her team spirit or anything, because it’s a stratified team, and the Patriots are really a one man gang.  Bundchen is watching the game in a sky box.  She doesn’t associate with the commoners.  It’s not like even Randy Moss calibre guys and their girls are socializing with Tom and Gisele, though we’d have given a few dollars to witness a dinner party with Brady, Bundchen, Moss, and that old gal of Randy’s from Ft. Lauderdale who claims he forced her to digitally stimulate his anus so hard that she broke her finger.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,323230,00.html

Do you think Bundchen really uttered those words about her husband not being able to ‘throw and catch the ball’, as though they were her own?  Please.  These are probably the things that they talk about behind closed doors.  Tom says, ‘Yeah so I’m the best and all’ and then Gisele says, ‘You’re the best, baby.’  Then Tom says, ‘and by the way, if we lose, it’s because the team sucks.  Not because I suck.’

Wethinks that conversation was definitely had.  I mean, Gisele is sending out these emails for people to pray and shit…who does that?  She does it, because she is in the war room with him behind closed doors and he is not confident about the game, for obvious reasons, and she knows it.  So let’s all pray for Tom Brady, right?

You know what?  We’re gonna hold off on that.

Crack (https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com)

Randy Moss (above) at last night’s press conference in Foxboro, where he destroyed Vikings’ coach Brad Childress while making sweet verbal love to Patriots’ HC Bill Belichik.

A stunned NFL learned earlier today that all-time great wide receiver and “slouch” Randy Moss was “no longer with the Vikings”, to quote Vikings’ coach Brad Childress, who dropped that bomb on his locker room in a team meeting this afternoon.  Childress, who has enough input into roster moves, it is believed, to pull the trigger on such a move himself, may have done so prior to consulting with Minnesota’s upper management, after Moss flung Childress under the bus last night when he criticized Childress for foolishly going on 4th and goal, and being stopped cold, right before the 1st half ended.

Moss said he’d have loved to have “gotten 3 there” and conjectured that it would have been a different game had the Vikings taken a 13-7 lead into the half.  Moss was absolutely correct in his assessment, though Childress had to hate the public nature of the second guess, and the effusive praise that Moss heaped on Belichik, whom he called “the greatest coach of all time.”

For Childress, the move to cut ties with Moss for criticizing him was highly hypocritical.  Just last week, Childress threw Brett Favre under the bus in the post press conference for turning the ball over.  Childress, who has clearly lost the team, and is now on borrowed time, went ahead and cut Moss, who was just acquired on October 6th from New England for a noteworthy asset–a 3rd round pick in 2011–likely to be a top 80 selection.  Moss’s criticism of the decision to go for it on 4th and goal, while speaking out of school, was right on the money.

To go for on 4th down when losing the ball on downs means you are putting your opponent on their own 2 yard line and asking them to go 98 yards is not such a bad move.  But to go on fourth, and to take the ball out of Favre’s hands when the Patriots have over-stacked the box, and when the Patriots, if they hold, will just run out the clock by taking a knee is completely inscrutable.

As for Moss, judging by his post game remarks, it would seem he is angling for a return to New England, and a reunion with Tom Brady, his bestest boyfriend. 

Crack (https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com, www.crackbillionair.com)

New Jet defensive end Trevor Pryce (above).

In Jets’ coach Rex Ryan’s news conference after the Jets defeated the Miami Dolphins on Sunday Night Football America, 31-23, Ryan said he was happy with the win, but that the play of the defense ‘hurt his pride.’  The Jets gave up over 400 yards of total offense and over 350 yards passing to Dolphins quarterback Chad Henne.  That’s not to say the Jets have been awful on defense.  They have allowed only 47 points in 3 games for an average of 15.67 pts a game–a number they should be able to win with. 

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/09/09/dungy-keeps-bashing-jets-but-will-that-bring-his-son-back-to-life/

Still, the Jets have allowed 3 100 yard receivers against them in three games, and they aren’t getting to the quarterback all that much.  Enter Trevor Pryce, who led the Ravens in sacks last year with 6.5, and who is third in sacks amongst active players.  And let’s not forget that Pryce put up 13 sacks for Ryan in 2006 when Ryan still served as the Ravens’ Defensive Coordinator.  The Ravens released Pryce earlier in the week, despite Pryce being a starter for Baltimore at end.  Though the Ravens said they intended to re-sign Pryce, they never got the opportunity.  As soon as the Jets heard of his release, they pounced on Pryce, to the delight of Ryan and former Ravens Bart Scott and Jim Leonhard.

When asked if Pryce, a 14 year NFL veteran had any juice left, the loquacious linebacker replied that Pryce had “more juice than Tropicana.”  Scott also insinuated that several other Ravens must be jealous that Pryce found his way to the Jets. 

Pryce’s career stats:

 
Season Team   Tackles Interceptions Fumbles
G GS Comb Total Ast Sck SFTY PDef Int Yds Avg Lng TDs FF
2010 Baltimore Ravens 3 0 0 0 0 0.0 0 0.0 0
2009 Baltimore Ravens 16 7 31 19 12 6.5 0 0.0 1
2008 Baltimore Ravens 16 16 27 17 10 4.5 2 0.0 0
2007 Baltimore Ravens 5 2 15 9 6 2.0 0 0.0 0
2006 Baltimore Ravens 16 16 47 37 10 13.0 2 0.0 2
2005 Denver Broncos 16 16 33 31 2 4.0 3 0.0 1
2004 Denver Broncos 2 1 2 1 1 0.0 0 0.0 0
2003 Denver Broncos 16 16 36 28 8 8.5 1 0.0 2
2002 Denver Broncos 16 16 46 40 6 9.0 1 0.0 1
2001 Denver Broncos 16 16 39 33 6 7.0 4 0.0 1
2000 Denver Broncos 16 16 12.0 0 0 0.0 0
1999 Denver Broncos 15 15 13.0 1 0 1 0 0.0 0 0 0
1998 Denver Broncos 16 15 8.5 0 1 1 1.0 1 0 0
1997 Denver Broncos 8 3 2.0 0 0.0 0
TOTAL 276 215 61 1 13 1 1 0 8

http://www.nfl.com/players/trevorpryce/profile?id=PRY103822

Now let’s be real.  The Jets picked up a 35 year old pass rusher.  Again (recall Jason Taylor).  But Taylor, a former arch rival, has earned his wings with big hits on Tom Brady and Chad Henne in successive weeks.  Like Taylor, Pryce represents an upgrade at end opposite Sean Ellis.  Vernon Gholston, still looking like a bust from here, has yet to register an NFL sack, despite a few near misses.  The Jets are missing three prominent players on defense–their best player, Darrelle Revis, behemoth Kris Jenkins (out for the year, and possibly his career), and top pass rusher Calvin Pace.  Pryce brings a much needed boost to a squad that could have Revis and Pace back next week for the Vikings on Monday night football, or, the Jets could choose to sit both again, with the bye coming up after Minnesota, which would give the Jets a very healthy squad, hopefully, from then forward.

As for tomorrow in Buffalo, Pryce is definitely what the doctor ordered.  Pryce was given a playbook by the Jets upon arrival, but he doesn’t really need it because the Jets and Ravens run the same defense.  So much for Pryce taking his kids to Six Flags this weekend.  That was what he had planned, but when Ryan heard about the trip, he informed Pryce he would be in several pass rushing packages versus Buffalo. 

Great news.  an upgrade is an upgrade.  Too bad we’ll have to look at Drew Coleman in the starting lineup, who is perhaps the worst corner in the AFC East–but Pryce’s addition almost makes the Coleman thing acceptible.  I look for the Jets to notch a big win in Orchard Park tomorrow, and would like nothing more than to see Pryce contribute to the victory, which means pain for Bills’ new starting quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick.

As for Kyle Wilson, who has struggled mightily, we are still very upset that the Jets did not use the 28th pick on Chiefs’ rising star Dexter McCluster.

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/03/27/why-the-jets-should-draft-dexter-mccluster-rb-ole-miss/

https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com/2010/04/21/mayock-mccluster-best-value-pick-in-the-draft/

J-E-T-S!!!!!!!!

Crack (https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com, www.crackbillionair.com)

Tom Brady’s baby momma, who he dumped while pregnant, actress Bridget Moynahan (above).

Take a look at the following snippet from The New York Daily News.  Please.  We beg you.

New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady was involved in a two-car accident in Boston’s Back Bay neighborhood at 6:34 a.m. Thursday. Brady, who was at the wheel of an Audi sedan, was treated at the scene, but did not require hospitalization.

The “Jaws of Life” were needed to remove a male passenger from the mini-van involved. The passenger, who was trapped in a backseat, had injuries that were described as serious, and he was taken to Brigham and Women’s Hospital, according to Boston Police spokesman James Kenneally.

A cause for the accident, which also knocked over a light pole, is under investigation.

The vehicles collided at Commonwealth Avenue and Gloucester Street, said Boston Fire Department spokesman Steve MacDonald. One witness told reporters that Brady was traveling on Gloucester Street and had a green light at Commonwealth when the minivan, traveling on Commonwealth, went through a red light and the two vehicles collided, according to the Boston Globe.

http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/2010/09/09/2010-09-09_tom_brady_involved_in_car_accident_police_say_but_patriots_quarterback_will_be_a.html

Let me ask an odd question?  What the fuck is Tom Brady up to at 6:34 AM?  Well, obviously, whatever it was didn’t turn out so good.  Brady made news recently when he reiterated his hatred for the New York Jets.  His one time girlfriend Bridget Moynahan, who blocked Brady from being in the delivery room, knows this all too well.  Plus, how could any New Yorker not sympathize with Moynahan, having watched Brady trot around Manhattan in his Yankees cap, and cut the line at the public tennis courts at Chelsea by throwing his name around?

That’s why we presume she named Brady’s son John Edward Thomas, and calls him “Jet.”

–Crack (https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com, www.crackbillionair.com)