Paul Wesley and Ian Somerhandler, above, as vampire brothers Stefan and Damon, on the CW’s The Vampire Diaries.

Nina Dobrev, above, as Elena Gilbert on The Vampire Diaries.

Last night I succumbed to temporary insanity and watched America’s Next Top Model, on the CW.  Anyway, due to flooding we are down to one television in our house temporarily, and my wife just loves these horrible, vacuous television shows that involve amateurs singing horribly, amateurs modelling horribly, amateurs dancing horribly, amateurs designing horrible clothes, and the bunches of morons who critique them.  Last night I had the privilege of seeing some black dude wearing this red jacket with the biggest sleeves I have ever seen, sit on a panel and critcize a bunch of pretty girls who for some reason were made to pose in clothes and makeup that not even the most ballsy tranny would attempt, making these young girls unrecognizable, and selling what exactly?

But I am not even here to kill Top Model.  I’m gonna be honest with you.  There are worse things than watching 12 19 year old girls in various states of undress for 43 minutes, no matter how bad Tyra Banks is.  And the assemblage of weirdos who do the judging and who teach the model walk, from Miss Jay to the guy with the sleeves to the Puerto Rican guy with the silver hair are in the least vaguely entertaining, whether they intend it or not.

The show that has the 9 PM time slot, Fly Girls, I don’t think I have to actually watch to tear apart.  Here’s the premise: a bunch of stewardesses, or “air hostesses” (“you’re so beautiful/you coulda been an air hostess in the sixties”, The Most Beautiful Girl in the Room by The Flight of the Conchords), drone on about a lot of nonsense, they don’t get naked nearly as much as the Top Model chicks, and there are no over the top gay dudes to keep it funny.  And then you take a look at the programming landscape for all of Wednesday night and compare it to Thursday night’s, when NBC has several franchises running, and ABC airs the big budget sci-fi drama, FlashForward, starring big names such as Joseph Fiennes and Michael Ealy (Sleeper Cell), airing at 8 PM, the same time slot that The Vampire Diaries has occupied, and where it has held it’s own.

Before you start with the reasoning that vampires are played out, between True Blood and the Twilight movies, understand that vampires have always been hugely popular.  Then factor in a few subtle differences between the gold standard of vampire television, Alan Ball’s True Blood, and The Vampire Diaries.  In an interesting twist on traditional vampire culture, the vampires on The Vampire Diaries do not have to respect the sunrise curfew we normally associate with vampires, and they can also drink alcohol, drink coffee to warm their blood, and can do drugs–activities that allow them to remain well hidden in plain sight, and seem contemporary among their human peers.

Since The Vampire Diaries runs during True Blood’s offseason, a lot of vampire fans find it different enough from the HBO hit, while they are left wanting in the area of vampire entertainment.  So forget the fact that both shows are set in a fictional southern town, and that in both, the lead vampires are in love with the same woman, who it seems may have some special powers of her own.  The most successful copy cat element of  The Vampire Diaries is that each episode is fast moving and ends on a dramatic, mysterious note–not to mention lots of pretty and dynamic actors and actresses.

The Vampire Diaries debuted to the CW’s highest ever ratings in their 3 plus year existence.   Even a show like Gossip Girl, which has built a strong following and is a CW signature show, started with dismal ratings.  GG has been very carefully handled by the CW, airing a bulk of their episodes in late summer so as not to compete with top episodes of other network’s first run programming.

I’d like to see The Vampire Diaries moved to a more prosperous time slot, where it can maximize its potential as a show that, in the very least, has been consistently captivating, carried especially by the strong performances of Wesley and Somerhandler.  Just because it can hold its own against Community and Parks and Recreation, to a degree, doesn’t mean it should have to or that the show or the network is best served to play it against such hot competition.

Especially when The Vampire Diaries could maul the shit out of those dumb Fly Girls, and take their plum time slot with a lead in courtesy of Tyra Banks.

Best,

Crackbillionair (https://crackbillionair.wordpress.com)